The Week’s Chunkiest, Clunkiest, and Slam-Dunkiest Headlines WAIT, TRUMP FAILED TO LOCK SOMEONE UP? NO! If there’s a single story that encapsulates the unrealized promise of ...

The Week’s Most Colicky, Frolicky, and Bollocky Headlines MS. CREOSOTE DEMANDS A RECOUNT Last week, officials finally finished counting the votes in the Sumter, S.C., mayor’s ...

The Week’s Most Vexing, Perplexing, and Witch-Hexing Headlines OCEANS SO WHITE Apparently, the field of oceanographic research has a diversity problem. If there’s a lack of ...

The Week’s Gaudiest, Bawdiest, and Voter-Fraudiest Headlines BUD-BUD-BUD-BIDEN The bitter stench of Joe Biden’s duplicitous campaign is well-seasoned with curry. Turns out ...

The Week’s Most Blazing, Crazing, and Hair-Raising Headlines “WAS IT SOMETHING WE SAID?” Some people are really slow to take a hint. After a thousand years of pogroms, ...

The Week’s Most Thunderous, Plunderous, and Blunderous Headlines RAPPER KARENS HIMSELF In Mexico, it’s quite common for members of the drug cartels to either sing songs about ...

The Week’s Most Inharmonic, Histrionic, and Cacophonic Headlines JEWISH SOAP OPERA Arguably, somewhere in the world there might exist a worse human being than Sacha Baron ...

The Week’s Most Eclectic, Anorectic, and Apoplectic Headlines THE STUNNING AND BRAVE STATELY HOMOS OF TWITTER Back when The Simpsons was still relevant (and funny), there was ...

The Week’s Most Cloying, Annoying, and Soul-Destroying Headlines BEELZEBUB HONORS RBG If you were a fiction writer trying to come up with a name for a diabolically evil female ...

The Week’s Sassiest, Brassiest, and Gassiest Headlines ALYSSA “DEFUND THE POLICE” MILANO CALLS 911 ON SQUIRREL-SHOOTING DOMESTIC TERRORIST Formerly sexy actress Alyssa ...

The Week’s Most Glamorous, Clamorous, and Amorous Headlines SPORTS FANS BOO OPPOSING TEAM, WHITE SUPREMACY GETS BLAMED If there are two categories in which black people ...

The Week’s Creepiest, Weepiest, and Sleepiest Headlines NEW TREND: DISTRICT ATTORNEYS WHO HATE THE LAW If, like us, you’ve been wondering why poor retarded blacks and rich ...

The Week’s Most Lecherous, Treacherous, and Obstreperous Headlines PORTLAND MAYOR TO MOVE AWAY FROM PEACEFUL PROTESTORS WHO’VE BEEN TRYING TO SET HIS CONDO ON FIRE Ted ...

The Week’s Most Porcine, Unclean, and Obscene Headlines WHY WE SHOULD ALL KEEP MISPRONOUNCING “KAMALA” Joe Biden promised the nation that he would pick a colored woman as ...

The Week’s Most Incessant, Tumescent, and Adolescent Headlines FEDS NAB BANNON ON FRAUD CHARGES Apart from helping to forge a populist coalition that pushed Donald Trump toward ...

The Week’s Most Aggressive, Excessive, and Oppressive Headlines NONWHITE WORKERS AT CANADIAN ANTI-RACISM MUSEUM COMPLAIN OF RACISM Winnipeg is the largest city in the Canadian ...