Don’t Stop at Juneteenth!

Happy Juneteenth! I hope you all had a lovely week celebrating the nation's newest federal holiday, which commemorates the end of slavery throughout the Confederacy. How could you not? The media was chock-a-block with commentators telling us what a fantastic, transformative event for our nation this was. But the media ignored the best part of all! What Juneteenth commemorates is not technically the abolition of slavery, but the notification thereof to a particular group of slaves. Although President Lincoln officially ended slavery with the Emancipation Proclamation on Jan. 1, 1863, it ...

The White Punishment Project

Parkgoers enjoyed a heartwarming spectacle at Disneyland’s Anaheim location last weekend. It all started in extremely implausible circumstances, when a young black man felt that ...

An Amnesty That I Can Support

In 1986, my high school drama teacher decided to give me a lesson in humility following a series of outbursts on my part challenging his authority (as arrogant as I may be now, I ...

Let’s All Tell More “White People” Jokes!

What’s the deal with white people? [the almost entirely white audience laughs] I mean, right—like, what the hell? [more laughter] Like, I mean, we’ve told nothing BUT ...

Ending White Privilege: Tax It

Ed Murray, Seattle's überliberal mayor, proposed a 1.75-cent-per-ounce tax on all sugary drinks sold in the city. This would include the sodas plus energy drinks like Red Bull, ...

Vladimir Putin

Mr. Putin Goes to Motown

Regardless of what dog you have in the Ukrainian turmoil, it is clear that Putin's plan is crude, transparent, and guaranteed to anger nearly everyone. Does anyone really believe ...

Mudgeon at the Bat

The curious affair of Fred Mudgeon began in 2015 when he, age 67 and largely blind, walked onto the field of the Washington Miquetoasts, the capital's football team, and announced ...

Tackling Asian Privilege

Amidst the hubris of the pope calling it quits and Miss Delaware relinquishing her sash due to porn allegations, it's important we take a step back and discuss the elephant in the ...

Thawing out the Neanderthals

If Harvard geneticist George Church gets his way, we may be seeing Neanderthals in the not-so-distant future"€”without having to first drink a quart of Old Overcoat.  The ...

A Five-Point Plan to Save the GOP

After the recent electoral debacle, Republican journalists and neocon news pundits have been discussing the roads to recovery for their battered party. One path that I"€™m sure ...

The Hangman Resurgent

Ask anyone who has been in law enforcement for a long time what would be his or her dream job, and the answer is invariably "€œexecutioner."€ Not for nothing are drink, ...

Swine Control

Whatever one's views on today's Middle Eastern regimes, we can all agree that violent rioting is not a system of governance. But how can raucous street demonstrations be prevented ...

Slimming Down the System

Conservatives have long waged a seemingly futile campaign to slim down the federal government. Even "€œconservative"€ presidents such as George W. Bush fed the monster. But ...

Harnessing Feminist Energy

America's energy policy is in shambles. Current green solutions of solar and wind power, like tidal and geothermal power before them, have proved inadequate. We have lots of coal, ...


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