NEW YORK—I have zero tolerance for anybody who keeps saying “zero tolerance.” You see it on signs at bars. You see it on signs at schools. You see it in press releases. I ...

NEW YORK—Okay, since there are 500 million plastic straws used every day, we need to stop using plastic straws. Wait. What? First of all, if there are 500 million plastic ...

CHARLOTTE, N.C.—For those of you who are new to BDSM, let me explain a few of the basics. The letters BDSM stand for Bondage Discipline Sadism and Masochism. These are the ...

NEW YORK—So I have to admit, I’m one of the people who would wear the “Fake News” T-shirt that was on sale at the Newseum in Washington. But you can’t buy it ...

NEW YORK—So I’m standing behind a guy at the drugstore who says, “I’m sorry, I don’t have anything smaller,” and he pulls out a roll of hundreds. In any other city ...

NEW YORK—Is probiotic a real word or did somebody make that up just to be a smart-ass? I mean, antibiotics I understand—pesticides for the body, they slide down your throat ...

DALLAS—I started getting panicked messages around 8:30 Friday night. “Joe Bob, I can’t get in. I think my computer is fried.” “Joe Bob, WHAT THE HELL.” Emails, texts, ...

DALLAS—There’s a theater in the little Greek town of Epidaurus that seats 14,000 people. It has perfect acoustics. It’s where people gather to tell stories, hear stories, ...

Back in the ’80s I worked comedy clubs, and, depending on the night, the venue, the crowd, and the level of alcohol consumption, you could sometimes get absolutely eviscerated ...

SupremeCommanderDude: Hey, you up? What time is it there? The sun already saluted me three times today. AwesomeHillaryKiller: The Jongster! Just thinking about ...

NEW YORK—This November, California is gonna vote on dividing itself into three states. That doesn’t go nearly far enough, in my opinion. I would encourage all you restless ...

NEW YORK—Pope Francis was chatting with a flamboyant Italian journalist named Eugenio Scalfari several months ago, and in the course of chewing over the eternal verities, ...

NEW YORK—I don’t know about you, but I’m circling my calendar and stocking whiskey for the night of September 10, when ABC will go prime-time live from Boardwalk Hall in ...

MARSHALL, Tex.—The most frightening thing about Jesse Duplantis is that I think he truly believes what he’s saying. I mean, at some deep, deep level, even a guy who wears a ...

NEW YORK—Question: How can you tell the difference between Elon Musk and an ordinary Tesla owner? Answer: Elon Musk will eventually stop talking about his Tesla. I never quite ...

JUPITER, Fla.—I feel like I need to confess my addiction, like a newbie in a 12-step program. My name is Joe Bob, and I’m an English major. I’m not asking for your pity. ...