Take My Wives, Please

MILWAUKEE—There’s never been a better time to be a polygamist. All over Africa and the Middle East they’re loosening up the laws so that a man can rack up as many ...

Hudson Yards

See NYC! Admission Price $11!

NEW YORK—March 1, 2018, will go down as the day New York officially became a Museum City. I don’t mean a city full of great museums, I mean a city that’s become a ...

Forget the Mueller Report, I Want the Ames Report

NEW YORK—So after two years of Mueller Reporting, what we know is: (a) Everything worth knowing was leaked to The New York Times in real time and so we already heard it ...

Facebook Might Decide You’re a Hater

AUSTIN, Tex.—Austin is the only city in America where Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez could speak—as she did last week at the South by Southwest Festival—and ...

Poles Are for Penguins and Polar Bears

COLUMBUS, OH—Let’s talk about this word polarization. There’s no such thing. Stop saying it. Nobody lives at the poles except polar bears and penguins, and even ...

The Atheists Get Cross-Eyed

NEW YORK—Seven miles down the road from the Supreme Court—about a 15-minute taxi ride—is a 40-foot concrete World War I memorial known as the Peace Cross. The existence ...

You People Need to Get Nekkid

NEW YORK—Somebody finally found a decent explanation for why people under 30 are so goldurn grumpy. They’re not having sex. Kate Julian, a senior editor at The Atlantic, ...

Gillette Can Kiss My Smooth Cheeks

NEW YORK—The Gillette Fusion5 ProShield is such an amazing razor that I’m willing to stand in the middle of CVS Pharmacy and wait as long as necessary for the Gillette ...

Dusky Gopher Frog

The Dusky Gopher Frog and Me

NEW YORK—Ever since his setback before the Supreme Court, I’ve been walking around New York City looking for inviting mud puddles where the Dusky Gopher Frog might be ...

Julie Adams

Julie Adams Made the World Safe for Teenage Monsters

DALLAS—Not long ago, at a little horror convention in New Jersey, I hosted interviews with some of the most famous stunners in B-movie history—all of the beauties from the ...

Abraham Lincoln

The Covington Smile Is the Mona Lisa of 2019 America

DALLAS—Whoever took the photo of the Covington Catholic High School kid holding that painful smile during the face-down with the Omaha tribal elder at the Lincoln Memorial ...

I Decide Who Gets Into College

NEW YORK—Okay, the easiest solution to this whole college admissions controversy is to send all the applications to me and I’ll go through them and tell you which students ...

Nina Stirs Things Up in Wisconsin

NEW YORK—Well, the neo-Puritans have struck again. A few weeks ago my old friend Nina Hartley was blogging about how she’d just spent a pleasant couple of days in La ...

Herb Kelleher and the Flying Bus

NEW YORK—My only conversation with Herb Kelleher happened in the mid-’70s, before he was famous, when he hunted me down through my editor at Texas Monthly magazine to find out ...

Heather Nauert

How Can THAT WOMAN Know Anything?

NEW YORK—The journalists are furious. (For those of you just tuning in, I don’t defame the reputations of real reporters and newsmen with the froufrou French word. I’m ...

Closed? No Hurry. I’ll Come Back.

DALLAS—What if the country shut down and nobody gave a flip? Entering day 6 of “The United States Is Closed,” I’m not seeing much evidence of panic or, for that matter, ...


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