Obama’s Eight-Ton Lemon

The Beast's arrival in Europe brought comparisons to the Hindus"€™ Juggernaut, the giant sacred conveyance that carried the idol of Jagannath, transcendental cause of the ...

Santa Monica, CA

An Impermanent Paradise Called California

In February, fresh from the great victory at Oxford, I went to a dinner party in London. At one point my historian friend asked: "€œDon"€™t you miss Europe?"€ My response ...

Times Square circa 1950

I Liked the Older New York

In that wonderful old Broadway musical Guys and Dolls, gambler Sky Masterson is romancing the Salvation Army’s Sister Sarah Brown after an all-nighter of boozing it up in ...

Owen Wilson

Midnight in Paris: The Lost Generation Reborn

Satire is a reactionary art form powered by contempt for the present. Although Woody Allen, now 75, has always espoused conventionally liberal views, he's one of the last figures ...

Ragging on Daddy, Plastic Surgery Faux Pas, and Sending Swindling Siblings to the Slammer

Dear Delphi, My parents are going through a divorce after 35 years of marriage. I don"€™t see the point of it all after 35 years, and even though I am a grown woman I am still ...

Of Novels and Novelty Acts

According to reviewers, Jennifer Egan’s novel A Visit From the Goon Squad is "€œvirtuosic,"€ "€œshape shifting,"€ "€œstartlingly new,"€ and it "€œturns the ...

Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger

Affairs, Public and Private

It has been quite a month for philandering. One would be mistaken for thinking Senator John Ensign's abrupt resignation was the scandal of the moment. Instead, with news of one ...

Bring Us the Head of Ronald McDonald

Among the thousands of wailing grievance groups the progressive left nurtures, enables, coddles, and waters, "€œfood activists"€ tend to be among the most humorlessly ...

Decapitation

The heads keep rollin"€™, rollin"€™, rollin"€™ all over the world. So far in May: • A Mexican deputy prison governor's decapitated body was among eight headless ...

Botticelli's Venus

The 12-Step Plan to Restore American Femininity

Like firing a fetus from a slingshot, feminism catapulted women out of the kitchen and onto the streets, where they were invited to do anything a man can do"€”but better. This ...

Raffaele Bendandi

Rumblings in Europe

Last week the global media was all abuzz with ridicule over those backward Italian peasants"€“to the media, a peasant is anyone possessing less than $1 million Euros. It seems ...

Gypsy

The Recently Retired and the Recently Expired

ORLANDO—A neutron bomb hit this place just as I got off the airplane, killing all humans but leaving the buildings intact. It was a horrid, unpardonable crime, and I blame the ...

Bridesmaids: Females Competing for Status and Laughs

Bridesmaids, the first female buddy comedy from producer Judd Apatow (Knocked Up and countless others over the last half-decade), stars Kristen Wiig, that passive-aggressive ...

How to Cheat Fairly, Date a Model Safely, and Discipline Teenagers Effectively

Dear Delphi, I am a 48-year-old man and have been married for about 25 years. My wife and I have not been intimate for the last 17 years. So I have engaged in a number of affairs ...

Hugh Grant

Put a Gag on Hugh Grant

To all men's eternal detriment, a conceited fool in the form of has-been actor Hugh Grant, self-appointed spokesman and shop-floor representative for chauvinist bigotry, spoke out ...

Randy

The 12-Step Plan to Restore American Machismo

While getting drunk last night, I noticed a young man had plonked his sports bottle down on the bar like it was a gun and we were in the Wild West. I asked him what the fuck was ...


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