The Week’s Most Malicious, Suspicious, and Injudicious Headlines THE LION (OF ISRAEL) SLEEPS TONIGHT After being in a coma that lasted longer than the Holocaust, former ...

The Week’s Most Vicious, Pernicious, and Seditious Headlines RINGING IN THE NEW YEAR WITH A BANG Citizens across our wide and bounteously diverse globe celebrated the New ...

The Week’s Most Acrimonious, Parsimonious, and Sanctimonious Headlines FEDS FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGE “KNOCKOUT” GAME Although incidents of the “knockout ...

The Week's Most Lurid, Florid, and Horrid Headlines A VERY CRIMINAL CHRISTMAS As the world girds itself for another Christmas"€”with quirky regional twists on the festivities ...

The Week's Most Septic, Dyspeptic, and Narcoleptic Headlines GROUNDBREAKING NEW RESEARCH ON OBESITY If you"€™re a black woman who eats tons of hamburgers and guzzles gallons of ...

The Week’s Most Galling, Appalling, and Caterwauling Headlines WHITE MALES FILE DISCRIMINATION COMPLAINTS In a cultural milieu so utterly inundated with negative ...

The Week's Most Fractious, Fatuous, and Vacuous Headlines AMERICANS LOSE FAITH IN ONE ANOTHER, CONTINUE BRAWLING AT WALMART According to a press release on the AP-GfK poll site, ...

The Week’s Most Dystopic, Myopic, and Entropic Headlines NEW STUDIES, SAME OLD EVOLUTION A slew of new studies were released last week, many of them only confirming what ...

The Week’s Most Thankless, Chancrous, and Cantankerous Headlines FINALLY, A WHITE MAYOR WHO SMOKES CRACK The Toronto Star released video of the city’s mayor, a ...

The Week’s Most Hellacious, Sebaceous, and Mendacious Headlines THE MOST UPTIGHT HALLOWEEN EVER This year’s All Hallow’s Eve brought with it yet another ...

The Week's Most Criminal, Subliminal, and Aboriginal Headlines TRIUMPH OF THE LEECHES According to recently released Census Bureau data, more Americans received means-tested ...

The Week’s Most Incredible, Inedible, and Regrettable Headlines POLITICS: GOVERNMENT REOPENS, RESUMES OVERSPENDING The federal government reopened for business last week ...

The Week’s Most Quirky, Jerky, and Twerky Headlines CONGRESS: LESS POPULAR THAN HEMORRHOIDS It has been two weeks since the inaction of an obstinately squabbling Congress ...

The Week’s Most Inspirational, Sensational, and Confrontational Headlines PSYCHOSIS ON THE POTOMAC Washington, DC, currently in a state of partial suspended animation ...

The Week's Most Bloody, Gutty, and Nutty ...

It is rumored that in winning the crown, Campbell beat out several contestants who actually have ...