The Week’s Funkiest, Junkiest, and Monkeyist Headlines OPRAH FOR PRESIDENT! Oprah Winfrey is loved across the globe for being the fattest black female billionaire in world ...

The Week’s Most Illicit, Complicit, and Explicit Headlines PANCAKKKES OF HATRED Eating pancakes for breakfast is an American tradition—just like slavery and lynch ...

The Week’s Most Imperious, Unserious, and Deleterious Headlines BALTIMORE SETS A HOMICIDE RECORD IN 2017 It is becoming increasingly evident that the Black Lives Matter movement ...

The Week’s Most Boorish, Whorish, and Moorish Headlines NOT-SO-YOUNG TURDS If farts had a face, they would look like Cenk Uygur. The aging Turk’s name is pronounced “Chenk ...

The Week’s Most Deceptive, Perceptive, and Unreceptive Headlines ENTIRE FAMILY GOES TRANNY Seeing as how generous estimates claim that only six in every 1,000 Americans is ...

The Week’s Most Contrarian, Authoritarian, and Minoritarian Headlines DEAR WHITE PEOPLE: PLEASE STOP BEING SUCH STUPID JERKS, CONT. These days it seems like a white person ...

The Week’s Most Soaring, Warring, and Boring Headlines WHAT WOULD POCAHONTAS DO? From all appearances, Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren is a white woman—a homely, ...

The Week’s Most Segregated, Agitated, and Constipated Headlines CHURCH OF SWEDEN TELLS GOD THE FATHER TO TAKE A HIKE Sweden is a beautiful nation in Northern Europe that ...

The Week’s Most Evil, Medieval, and Primeval Headlines THIS WEEK’S HOLLYWOOD PERVERTS For far too long, Hollywood has claimed to be the nation’s moral conscience. This is ...

The Week’s Chilliest, Frilliest, and Silliest Headlines HOLLYWOOD’S SEXUAL-ASSAULT FREIGHT TRAIN KEEPS ON A-ROLLIN’ Ever since the tiny elites who cluster together in tiny ...

The Week’s Most Putrescent, Pubescent, and Adolescent Headlines CELEBRATING THE COMMUNIST CENTURY One thing all good students of history know is that despite the passage of ...

The Week’s Curviest, Perviest, and Scurviest Headlines LEFTIST JOURNALISTS AND THE WOMEN THEY CLAIM TO GROPE It is one of life’s sublime pleasures to see a self-described ...

The Week’s Most Appalling, Squalling, and Stonewalling Headlines TRIGGERED BY SHAKESPEARE England’s prestigious Cambridge University lost a little bit more of its luster by ...

The Week’s Most Hateful, Fateful, and Ungrateful Headlines BANNING CHRISTIANS IN ENGLAND Anyone who alleges that England’s elites are forcing a deliberate cultural ...

The Week’s Craggiest, Shaggiest, and Faggiest Headlines HARVEY WEINSTEIN TAKES A SHOWER Movie mogul Harvey Weinstein, whose big ugly brick of a head looks as if it was ...

The Week’s Most Magnetic, Prophetic, and Apathetic Headlines HUGH HEFNER: DEATH OF A “SADISTIC PIMP” If Playboy founder and American icon Hugh Hefner had died a generation ...