The Week’s Surliest, Burliest, and Girliest Headlines CELEBRATING MARX IN SPITE OF HISTORY “Those who do not remember history are doomed to repeat it,” wrote philosopher ...

The Week’s Most Overweight, Reprobate, and Boilerplate Headlines A PIG CALLED RANDA The first thing you notice when looking at a picture of Randa Jarrar is that she is extremely ...

The Week’s Yuckiest, Suckiest, and Starbuckiest Headlines BLACK PEOPLE GO TO STARBUCKS? In a racially charged story that has shocked our fractured and bleeding nation to its ...

The Week’s Most Agonized, Balkanized, and Compromised Headlines REPORT: “CHILD” REFUGEES LIED ABOUT THEIR AGE It is not paranoid to suggest that the current “refugee ...

The Week’s Most Perverted, Subverted, and Disconcerted Headlines IS JIMMY KIMMEL A CLOSET HOMO? For nearly three years now, our late-night comedians have eschewed comedy in the ...

The Week’s Most Sclerotic, Neurotic, and Robotic Headlines DERSHOWITZ: LEAVE DONALD ALONE! Celebrity lawyer Alan Dershowitz—who, to our knowledge, has never been employed ...

The Week’s Most Coercive, Discursive, and Subversive Headlines STUDENTS MARCH ON D.C., DEMANDING GOVERNMENT KEEP ITS OWN GUNS AND TAKE EVERYONE ELSE’S On Saturday in ...

The Week’s Muddiest, Cruddiest, and Bloodiest Headlines HILLARY CLINTON: STILL FALLING, STILL CAN’T GET UP As everyone who isn’t an incorrigible, woman-hating, ...

The Week’s Loopiest, Droopiest, and Poopiest Headlines REFUSING TO DISAVOW FARRAKHAN Born Louis Eugene Walcott 84 years ago in the Bronx, the man known and beloved by millions ...

The Week’s Thickest, Slickest, and Sickest Headlines SOUTH AFRICA TO WHITE FARMERS: SHUT UP AND GIVE US YOUR LAND South Africa is a magical land of nonpareil beauty with ...

The Week’s Most Inveterate, Degenerate, and Confederate Headlines CONFEDERATE FLAG SPOTTED IN SEATTLE! The Pacific Northwest is an extremely white area of the USA that has ...

The Week’s Most Resistant, Persistent, and Inconsistent Headlines MINNESOTA SCHOOLS KILL “MOCKINGBIRD” If you—that’s right, YOU—living there in your institutionally ...

The Week’s Wispiest, Crispiest, and Lispiest Headlines TRUDEAU VS. MANKIND At the present moment Justin Trudeau is the prime minister of Canada, a frozen block of ice that ...

The Week’s Most Mental, Ungentle, and Judgmental Headlines RAPING ANN COULTER LIVE AND ON TELEVISION The main problem with modern TV crime dramas is that in their allegedly ...

The Week’s Most Clickable, Kickable, and Despicable Headlines MEATHEAD CALLS FOR SECOND CIVIL WAR Rob Reiner is a rotund and fundamentally charmless man who’d likely be a ...

The Week’s Most Cuckoo, Voodoo, and Taboo Headlines THE DEATH OF ITALY? The Roman Empire was perhaps the mightiest in world history—that is, until it became so overburdened ...