The Week’s Most Psychotic, Despotic, and Quixotic Headlines U.N. URGES FACEBOOK TO FIGHT “HATE SPEECH” The United Nations was founded after a bad man with an evil ...

The Week’s Most Informal, Abnormal, and Paranormal Headlines MIAMI HERALD ENDORSES CANDIDATE WHO SAYS SHE WAS ABDUCTED BY NORDIC SPACE ALIENS Bettina Rodriguez Aguilera is a ...

The Week’s Most Captivating, Titillating, and Nauseating Headlines ARGUMENT OVER “QUEEN OF SOUL” LEADS TO SHOOTING Aretha Franklin passed into the giant donut shop in ...

The Week’s Dumbest, Numbest, and Glummest Headlines TRUMP KEEPS CALLING PEOPLE DUMB It has been firmly established beyond the mildest whisper of a doubt that Donald Trump is the ...

The Week’s Most Kissable, Transmissible, and Impermissible Headlines “PROUD BOYS” FALSELY DRAGGED INTO OAKLAND STABBING MURDER Last Sunday night in Oakland, an 18-year-old ...

The Week’s Skankiest, Wankiest, and Crankiest Headlines ILLEGAL ALIEN, DEPORTED 11 TIMES, ACCUSED OF ATTACKING WIFE WITH A CHAINSAW (We would first like to apologize for ...

The Week’s Most Mutated, Castrated, and Backdated Headlines “COWBOY”: A RACIST AND SEXIST TERM THAT NEEDS TO BE SCALPED If you’re a nonwhite female who’s roaming the ...

The Week’s Most Hispanic, Volcanic, and Satanic Headlines JUSTIN TRUDEAU: HIM, TOO? As the telegenic fist-puppet of the global elite, Justin Trudeau does everything his ...

The Week’s Scariest, Wariest, and Hairiest Headlines FACEBOOK STALKER SHOOTS UP MARYLAND NEWSROOM, TRUMP ACCUSED OF CAUSING IT According to Maryland police, last Thursday ...

The Week’s Most Sadistic, Simplistic, and Fascistic Headlines IS TOM ARNOLD A C.I.A. MIND-CONTROL ROBOT? If it is true that whom the gods would destroy they must first make mad, ...

The Week’s Brainiest, Grainiest, and Zaniest Headlines EINSTEIN: NO FRIEND OF THE CHINAMAN Albert Einstein was an extremely smart mathematician whose theories helped lead to the ...

The Week’s Dustiest, Mustiest, and Fustiest Headlines SUPREME COURT: YOU DON’T HAVE TO BAKE THAT GAY CAKE AFTER ALL Bad news for people who insist on a constitutional right to ...

The Week’s Most Uptight, Impolite, and Dynamite Headlines JUDGE ORDERS PRESS BLACKOUT OVER TOMMY ROBINSON ARREST Tanning salon owner, English Defence League founder and ...

The Week’s Most Boring, Soaring, and Adoring Headlines CENSUS: NEARLY A QUARTER OF AMERICANS OVER AGE FIVE DON’T SPEAK ENGLISH AT HOME If you count the illegal aliens who come ...

The Week’s Most Alien, Mammalian, and Sesquipedalian Headlines BLACK WRITER SETS ODDS ON WHEN TRUMP WILL FINALLY SAY THE “N-WORD” Michael Harriot is a black man who writes ...

The Week’s Most Predatory, Statutory, and Transitory Headlines IS NEW YORK’S ATTORNEY GENERAL A RACIST, WOMAN-BEATING SEXUAL PREDATOR? New York State Attorney Eric ...