Eva Longoria

Affirmative Acting

Long ago, crazy people at least had the good sense to pretend they were heroes. Asylums were packed with dueling Napoleons. Rival Jesuses (Jesuii?) challenged each other to miracle-working matches in the sunroom. The ...

Rick Ross

The Week That Perished

The Week's Most Prophetic, Synthetic, and Prosthetic Headlines RAPPER's ANKLE MONITOR GOES OFF DURING WHITE HOUSE "€œMINORITY YOUTH EMPOWERMENT"€ PROGRAM With his disgusting sourpuss scowl and floppy man-boobs, ...

Patricia Hitchcock

The Consolations of Ugliness

Men look at women. Women watch themselves being looked at. —John Berger, Ways of Seeing Oprah Winfrey likes to recall how excited her neighbors got the first time The Supremes performed on The Ed Sullivan Show. “Come ...

Curse of the Ghetto Golems

Golem tales always follow the same template: A Jew builds a monster of clay to destroy his enemies, but in the end the golem turns on its creator. In 2019, in a piece that generated unintended national controversy, I wrote ...

Tribal Counsel

Remember the supermarket scene near the end of the Iraq War movie The Hurt Locker? Jeremy Renner plays an Explosive Ordnance Disposal technician. After countless telephoto shots of IEDs going off terrifyingly close, the ...

Ugly People Build Ugly Things

NEW YORK—Hot money from China, India, Russia, and Singapore is pouring into London; hotter money from the same countries is flooding into the Bagel. London has become unaffordable for the average Joe around Kensington and ...

Barney Fife Runs North Carolina

NEW YORK"€”I"€™m gonna explain this Pat McCrory thing to you. As his world crumbles around him, Pat McCrory keeps doubling down on the "€œKeep Our Public Bathrooms Safe"€ issue. Surely the man knows he's ...

The River Rhine

The Borders of Empire

I was wondering why Russia chose to hold its Winter Olympics in the Black Sea beach resort of Sochi, which is almost as far south as you can get in that notoriously northern land. And that got me thinking about borders in ...

Fifty Shades of Green

Talk about “carbon dating”! I guess I’ve been asleep under a rock, but “dinosaur porn” is supposedly, as the young people today like to say, a thing. Last week, some desperate Web writer, ...

Much Ado About ‘Compton’

"€œCan"€™t go to a movie the first week it opens. Why? Because niggers are shooting at the screen."€ "€”Chris Rock, 1997 Still wondering if Marco Rubio should get to sit behind that Resolute desk? Wonder no ...

Gender-Neutral Societies Suck

Having spent over half my life in the professional company of academics, I can state with certainty that gender-neutral societies suck. Admittedly the university is not yet antiseptically free of gender references. It ...

White Plight

Former Virginia senator Jim Webb is campaigning for president to bring low-income whites back to the Democratic Party, recently telling Yahoo News that "€œI think that [the Democrats] have kind of unwittingly used this ...

Smearing the Smearers

As I’m sure you’ve heard, two black dudes went into a Starbucks last week and claimed a table without ordering anything. And then they (yes, apparently both of them at the same time) decided to use the bathroom. Because ...

Things Fall Apart

Or if they don’t, we can take them apart. We do not want the bolt lock pin to be tight in the bolt. We want it to be tight in the bolt lock, or locking block.... Damn these pins! Pins are a huge enemy. Excuse me: ...

How to Hire Better Cops

With the Democratic presidential candidates Bernie Sanders and Martin O"€™Malley being shouted down at a progressive convention for not abasing themselves fully enough to a Black Lives Matter rent-a-mob, it's worth taking ...

Al Franken

The Neocowardice of Rich Lowry

Imagine if Al Franken gave you a call and offered to fight you. A real fight, too"€”no gloves, no clock, and no rules. Would you do it? Rich Lowry, editor of National Review, would not. He explained it all in his ...

Prince Harry

Psychobabble On

One of Britain's royal princes has revealed to tens of millions of his closest and dearest friends and acquaintances, via an interview in a newspaper, that he found the period after the death of his mother difficult. He was ...

Nationalism and the Conservative Country Club: Part One

“With the ancients...it was all or nothing, with no fear of disaster. The fall of states, cities, and kings was considered glorious. That is something utterly alien to us.” —Jacob Burckhardt I should have liked to ...

Australian DIngo

Gays Against MUFF

There are few hard-and-fast rules in politics, but here’s one that’s as set in stone as any you’ll find: Whenever leftists call for an “honest dialogue,” what they’re actually seeking is a purge. “Honest ...

President Barack Obama

Obama: Helpless Fool or Willing Tool?

So Obama wasn’t aware we’d spent years spying on our ally Germany. Color me unsurprised. Throughout a career as community activist and several campaigns, he apparently didn’t know that numerous people and ...

John F. Kennedy

The True Measure of JFK’s Greatness

Everyone’s doing it, so I might as well jump in also. After all, I knew so many of the people involved, including JFK and his widow Jackie, and—sorry for the name-drop—even actor Rob Lowe, who plays the slain ...

President Xi Jinping

Speak the Truth, Shame the Chinese

Well, I’ll be damned; the Chinese are now encouraging “cultural appropriation”! After telling whites that they can’t cook “Asian” food or open “Asian” restaurants or wear “Asian” clothes, because ...

Danica Roem

Where Are All the Tranny Dudes In Politics?

During last Tuesday’s minor off-year elections, a glorious total of “eight openly transgender candidates” swept to victory, squashing the hopes and stomping on the necks of transphobic bigots nationwide, who really ...


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