Protected by a hundred supersonic fighter jets, ten thousand armored vehicles with machine-gun turrets, and twenty million fully functional military tanks (many of them equipped with really cool-looking flamethrowers and some awesome newfangled sonic crowd-control technology), Senator Dianne ...
Anyone who has two brain cells to rub together for warmth on a cold winter morning knows that this whole "fiscal cliff" debate is nothing more than a petty squabble over tweaking the amount of a terminal cancer patient’s chemo. If Team Red and Team Blue ever hammer out a deal, it will ...
As Pastor Martin Niemöller famously wrote: First they came for the loud, obnoxious, drunken neighbors who defecated on my front lawn, tossed their beer bottles through my window, harassed my children, raped my sister, shot my dog, set my car on fire, and spit in my face, but I did not speak ...
Taki Theodoracopulos wins the world 70+ judo championship by forcing tough-guy actor Bo "Walking Tall" Svenson into ...
Nadya Suleman, you are everything that is wrong with the world at the moment. The question isn"t what's wrong with you"that's obvious. Everything is wrong with you. The real question: Is there anything right with you? You are a repellent, repugnant, loathsome, attention-seeking piece of ...
The price-gouging sweatshop-clothing chain The Gap is enduring a tempest in a T-shirt over a $30 “designer” tee featuring the words MANIFEST DESTINY. What is being described as a “huge outcry,” an “outrage,” and “a flood of complaints”"but was ...
There is no bigger douchebag in American politics than Joe Biden. There is possibly no bigger douchebag in the solar system. His florid, monster-truck-sized, off-the-charts douchiness was on ample display during Thursday night’s vice-presidential debate. Biden is a known plagiarist and ...
Mitt Romney kicked Barack Obama’s ass so thoroughly Wednesday night, Attorney General Eric Holder has considered charging him with a hate crime. This gives us throbbing levels of immensely transcendent galaxy-tripping joy not because we think Romney is anything to write home about or that ...
Students at a Kansas high school are claiming that the government is trying to starve them to death. In the teeny-weeny Great Plains town of Sharon Springs, which is possibly smaller than Michelle Obama's bum, an English teacher and her pupils have collaborated on a song-parody video called "We ...
Dumb Middle Easterners are angrier than ever at the West today, and dumb Americans are angrier than ever at the Muslim world, and we"re not sure who's dumber. Fires are blazing across the Middle East as Muslims who have medieval conniptions at any depiction of their dead pedophile prophet are ...
