"See, if you was Billy Connolly sitting right there," said the Winston Churchill doppelganger beside me in a Glasgow pub, "Ah"d fuckin" stab ye." I was with my uncle and this was his closest friend of at least 30 years, so I knew him well. "You"d murder Billy ...
On Wednesday, NBC Nightly News profiled Don Morgan, a 44-year-old who renamed himself Abu Omar al-Amreeki after flunking a military boot camp and getting fired from his job as a sheriff's deputy. Morgan was recently arrested at JFK after another failed attempt to impose some structure on his ...
I was walking through the Fox News building a while ago and a producer introduced me to a young black man by saying, "This is the engineer you"ll be working with tonight." We shook hands and the engineer said, "I know who you are. Look, I want you to know, I don"t agree with all ...
So, it looks like I may have been fired from my own company, again. This time it was for not embracing (click "continue") the idea of turning your genitals inside out. Call me crazy but if post-op transsexuals have such a brutal suicide rate, maybe we shouldn"t do it to children. Is ...
It's a cliché to bitch about how hard it was when you were their age, but Jesus Christ, do the kids today even know what sweat is? I had a relative send me his resume recently and there wasn"t one real job on it. He was totally overeducated and massively underworked. In the Curmudgeon's ...
You know that one time a month when you"re arguing with a lady friend and she says something that makes your neck recoil in confusion? You"ll stop the fight for a second and think to yourself, "That doesn"t make any sense. What's this argument really about?" If you"re very ...
Well, first of all, hummina hummina! Having some twentysomething bouncing around your house in a French maid's costume is a great reward for being wealthy enough to hire help. Just kidding. If you can"t handle having a young woman in your home, you need to sign on with the National Sex Offender ...
Islam is poppin" off. We"re told it's the fastest growing religion in the world and they also say it's the fastest growing religion in America. We all know diversity is our strength and America is a melting pot so it behooves us to give this "religion of peace" a chance. Take the ...
Good news, guys. Feminism is over. Sure, there are still women being stoned to death and a teenager might get butyric acid thrown in her face for rejecting an arranged marriage but as far as the Western world today goes, we"re done. Of course, when an object has been rolling through the ...
The last time I checked in with the perpetually outraged, they were angry because we were lighting off fireworks. Apparently, July 4th celebrations glorify war, or something. Around the same time, we had Anthony Cumia lose his job for "abhorrent" Tweets he sent out after being attacked. ...
