The Week's Most Kinetic, Magnetic, and Epigenetic Headlines NATIONAL REVIEW POOPS ON TRUMP National Review magazine is a leading light of the American conservative movement widely known for firing writers the moment they say something remotely interesting or vital. Last Thursday night the hoary, ...
The Week's Most Mysterious, Delirious, and Unserious Headlines AL SHARPTON COMPARES HOLLYWOOD TO THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS The Right Reverend Al Sharpton is a black man of God who used to be very fat yet has become almost alarmingly scrawny of late. When he isn’t sticking his beak into one ...
The Week's Most Specious, Facetious, and Diecious Headlines KEEPING MUSLIM RAPISTS AT ARM's LENGTH As Germans rang in the New Year, there were multiple reports of mob-style sexual assaults perpetrated by men of "North African or Arabic" appearance upon native women in every major German ...
The Week’s Most Feckless, Reckless, and Neckless Headlines THE FALSE EPIDEMIC OF RACIST POLICE SHOOTINGS Despite all the illiterate and innumerate yapping and yelping and yipping that has clogged public discourse over the past year like freshly poured cement lodged in a desiccated colon, the ...
The Week's Most Bumptious, Scrumptious, and Presumptuous Headlines FEAR AND SCHLONGING ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL Donald Trump, who according to rumor is secretly planning to name our Solar System after himself before he dies, launched an “Astonishingly Sexist Attack” on the diminutive and ...
The Week's Most Antithetical, Heretical, and Asymmetrical Headlines ABUSING MUSLIMS IN PUBLIC Last week across this wonderful, bounteous, and sun-spackled land that we pretend is a nation, Americans were charged with committing crimes against Muslims. In each of the following cases, the criminal ...
The Week's Most Frumpy, Grumpy, and Trumpy Headlines TIME MAGAZINE’S MERKEL CIRCLE JERK TIME magazine has selected German Chancellor and part-time nude model Angela Merkel as its “Person of the Year,” because to call her “Man of the Year” would be sexist, even though ...
The Week's Most Barbarian, Contrarian, and Totalitarian Headlines NEW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMP DEEMED A "BIGOT" A self-described Irish Gypsy named Tyson Fury became the world’s new heavyweight boxing champion by winning a unanimous decision against Ukraine’s Vladimir Klitschko, ...
The Week's Sleaziest, Cheesiest, and Queasiest Headlines A SUDDEN SPURT OF WHITE STUDENT UNIONS From November 20-22, thirty-one separate groups representing college campus “White Student Unions” or some variation thereof were created on Facebook, that social-media colossus that causes ...
The Week's Most Grating, Race-Baiting, and Nauseating Headlines PURGING WOODROW WILSON FROM PRINCETON America’s black college students and their guilt-wracked white enablers will apparently not rest until the only thing that universities teach is that white people are evil. The latest in a ...
