The Week's Most Obsructionist, Reductionist, and Deconstructionist Headlines TRUMP BITCH-SLAPS MEDIA AT PRESS CONFERENCE Donald Julius Caesar Trump"who becomes President of the United States on Friday"took the American media to the woodshed and fed it to a wood chipper last ...
The Week's Most Predatory, Statutory, and Nugatory Headlines EX-JUNKIE CELEBRITY CHEF EXPLAINS WHY TRUMP WON Anthony Bourdain is a celebrity chef who likes to brag about how he was a heroin addict in his early 20s who "would have robbed your medicine cabinet had I been invited to your ...
The Week's Most Demented, Fermented, and Discontented Headlines KLANSMEN SAY CABLE NETWORK PAID THEM TO FABRICATE "HATE" EVENTS FOR "REALITY" SHOW If there's any group in America that could use a better PR agent, it's the Ku Klux Klan. Although they are unlikely to be believed ...
The Week's Most Inveterate, Degenerate, and Confederate Headlines GAY LAWYER HASSLES IVANKA TRUMP ON A PLANE Ivanka Trump is the beautiful and eminently bangable blonde daughter of President-Elect and Emperor-to-Be Donald Trump. She is such a prize specimen of femininity that her father once ...
The Week's Rudest, Crudest, and Lewdest Headlines MICHELLE OBAMA FEELS HOPELESS Michelle Obama is feted and loved around the world for no other apparent reason than the fact that she walks around with a vagina that has ancestral roots in the Dark Continent. Eight years ago when her mulatto hubby ...
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The Week's Gassiest, Brassiest, and Classiest Headlines GEERT WILDERS FOUND GUILTY OF HATE SPEECH, MAY BECOME DUTCH PRIME MINISTER ANYWAY Like Donald Trump, Dutch politician Geert Wilders opposes Muslim immigration and has spectacular hair. But last Friday, a triumvirate of sissy-baby Dutch judges ...
The Week's Most Offensive, Apprehensive, and Hypertensive Headlines WILL A BLACK MUSLIM HEAD THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL COMMITTEE? As further evidence that it remains painfully clueless about what led to its stunning electoral defeat in November, the Democratic Party is ramping up their minority ...
The Week's Most Carcinogenic, Schizophrenic, and Estrogenic Headlines SIEG-HEILING ALONG THE POTOMAC Ever since Donald Trump scored an unexpected electoral victory earlier this month, mainstream journalists have been desperately clawing to prove that he flew into the White House on the wings of ...
The Week's Most Deluded, Denuded, and Polluted Headlines TWITTER PURGES ALT-RIGHT ACCOUNTS Since leftism is based on the implausible and transparently fraudulent notion of innate human equality, it finds itself engaged in a perpetual wrestling match with basic reality. The international media ...
The Week's Most Glorious, Meritorious, and Victorious Headlines SPECIAL POST-ELECTION EDITION: FEAR OF A TRUMPOCALYPSE Donald Trump will be the 45th President of the United States. We won"t even bother to pretend there was any other news this week. There may have been other news"we simply ...
