The Week's Most Frightening, Enlightening, and Whitening Headlines CANADIAN GOVERNMENT OFFICIALLY CONDEMNS "ISLAMOPHOBIA" Canada is a nation that hates America because America is much more famous than Canada. Its prime minister, the alleged bastard son of Fidel Castro, wears goofy hats ...
The Week's Most Tickly, Sickly, and Prickly Headlines RACHEL MADDOW DROPS A BOMBSHELL ON HERSELF MSNBC's Rachel Maddow is easily the manliest broadcaster currently on television, with her free testosterone levels at any given moment measuring roughly 400% those of her lesbian coworker Chris Hayes. ...
The Week's Most Spoiled, Soiled, and Uncoiled Headlines UNIVISION ANCHOR: "THIS IS NOT A WHITE COUNTRY" Emmy Award-winning Univision TV anchor Jorge Ramos is often referred to as the "Walter Cronkite of Latin America," and we"re not sure what that says about Walter Cronkite or ...
The Week's Most Cynical, Inimical, and Rabbinical Headlines PRESS COVERAGE OF TRUMP: 88% HOSTILE Because President Donald J. Trump is a realistic and intelligent man, he despises the press. Even though they started this war with him, yet they seem to lack both the honor and the insight to ...
The Week's Most Melodious, Odious, and Incommodious Headlines LE PEN REFUSES TO WEAR HEADSCARF In a bold "n" brilliant act of political theater that will undoubtedly draw parallels to Rosa Parks, Joan of Arc, Charles Martel, Mahatma Gandhi, and maybe even the bra-burning feminists of the ...
The Week’s Most Corrosive, Implosive, and Erosive Headlines McCAIN DANCES AN IRISH JIG FOR HIS GLOBALIST OVERLORDS John McCain is a decrepit and senile leprechaun who failed in his quest for the presidency, which is why he seethes with sclerotic resentment for President Donald J. Trump. Of ...
The Week's Most Homicidal, Suicidal, and Genocidal Headlines BILL KRISTOL CALLS FOR WHITE WORKING CLASS TO BE REPLACED Bill Kristol is a pot-bellied garden gnome with a simperingly effeminate vocal inflection whose father Irving was known as the "Godfather of Neoconservatism." As the ...
The Week’s Trickiest, Stickiest, and Ickiest Headlines BOY SCOUTS WILL ACCEPT GIRLS WHO THINK THEY’RE BOYS In over 100 years of its existence, the Boy Scouts of America had a very hateful, destructive, and counterfactual admission policy"it would only allow boys to claim that ...
The Week's Most Benign, Anodyne, and Asinine Headlines NEW PRESIDENT SPROUTS WINGS AND SOARS In his first week as President of These Here United States, Our Glorious Leader Donald J. Trump swept down from Valhalla and accomplished more than most presidents do in a lifetime. Among his innumerable ...
The Week’s Most Sportive, Supportive, and Abortive Headlines WOMEN MARCH ON WASHINGTON, PRETENDING THEY DON"T HAVE EQUAL RIGHTS On Friday, January 20, 2017, Donald Jerusalem Trump became the President of the United States. Let that sink in. DONALD TRUMP IS NOW PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED ...
