The Week’s Most Roomy, Doomy, and June-Gloomy Headlines END-STAGE STAGES Maybe the real nightmare regarding immigration isn’t that “they’re not sending their best,” but that they are, which, considering what they’re sending, speaks terrible volumes about what’s left behind. When ...
The Week’s Most Arboreal, Raptorial, and Day-of-Memorial Headlines EIN VOLK, EIN REICH, EIN FUROR It’s been widely reported that when Jimmy Carter was running for reelection, he told his advisers, “If I get in, I’m gonna fuck the Jews.” This from a man whose presidency had been crippled ...
The Week’s Most Hunching, Bunching, and Actor-Punching Headlines GENDERONIMO! American mass shootings have occurred everywhere. Schools, malls, churches, temples (Jew, Sikh, and Buddhist), movie theaters, concerts, offices, even planes (disgruntled black PSA employee David Burke). Amazingly, the ...
The Week’s Most Glomming, Aplombing, and Flowers-for-Momming Headlines BREAKING BAD (WIND) How do you know you’re the least popular American president in history? When you lose a ratings war to farts. In the 1990s, Howard Stern, at the time the most highly rated radio host in the U.S., ...
The Week’s Most Trying, Plying, and Cinco-de-Maying Headlines OFF THE BEATEN PATHOLOGICAL Tranny advocates can’t find their Matthew Shepard, the gay man “beaten, tortured, and crucified by rednecks” in Laramie in 1998. Of course, turns out the murder wasn’t a hate crime but a dispute ...
The Week’s Most Fussing, Trussing, and Exodussing Headlines HOLLYWOOD MAGIC, HOLLYWOOD TRAGIC The anchor of the Universal Studios Hollywood theme park is the legendary tram ride, which used to feature several “practical effect” attractions, including an animatronic King Kong that would shake ...
The Week’s Most Disaster-Heading, Needle-Threading, and Matzo-Breading Headlines PALM BLEEDINGS Remember Dionne Warwick’s Psychic Friends? Well, Danielle Cherakiyah Johnson was a psychic enemy. A self-described “black astrologer, psychic, and recording artist” with 100,000 followers, ...
The Week’s Most Gayish, Grayish, and Patriots’ Dayish Headlines TAKING IT UP THE BUTT(ERFLY) There was a time when leftists demanded that the entire world stand still for a bug. In 1995, when Steven Spielberg of Schindler’s List fame, Jeffrey Katzenberg of Disney fame, and David Geffen of ...
The Week’s Most Bitter, Glitter, and Eid al-Fitr Headlines WE INTERRUPT YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMADAN... Canadians are like sloths. It’s hard to hate sloths. They’re cute, funny, and no threat to man. Also, they’re dumb as bricks. By all physical appearances they don’t even ...
The Week’s Funniest, Runniest, and Easter Bunniest Headlines GENTILE CLUBS, JEWISH BALLS In early-1900s West L.A., the WASP elites spent their leisure time at the Rancho Country Club golf course. Whites only, except for the Japanese gardeners who routinely blew themselves up to take out gopher ...
