The Week’s Most Illicit, Complicit, and Explicit Headlines PANCAKKKES OF HATRED Eating pancakes for breakfast is an American tradition—just like slavery and lynch mobs. That’s why it is with a sense of deep personal emotional pain that we report a black waitress at a Texas IHOP recently ...
The Week’s Most Imperious, Unserious, and Deleterious Headlines BALTIMORE SETS A HOMICIDE RECORD IN 2017 It is becoming increasingly evident that the Black Lives Matter movement may be responsible for more black deaths than anything since, well, black people themselves. In 2014, when Ferguson, MO ...
The Week’s Most Boorish, Whorish, and Moorish Headlines NOT-SO-YOUNG TURDS If farts had a face, they would look like Cenk Uygur. The aging Turk’s name is pronounced “Chenk Yoogur,” but if you’re the type whose memory is aided by mnemonic devices, think of him as “Chunky ...
The Week’s Most Deceptive, Perceptive, and Unreceptive Headlines ENTIRE FAMILY GOES TRANNY Seeing as how generous estimates claim that only six in every 1,000 Americans is transgender—meaning they mistakenly believe they’re a different sex than what a simple chromosome test would prove—what ...
The Week’s Most Contrarian, Authoritarian, and Minoritarian Headlines DEAR WHITE PEOPLE: PLEASE STOP BEING SUCH STUPID JERKS, CONT. These days it seems like a white person can’t sneeze without someone else—usually white, but it’s not mandatory—telling them what a stupid, clumsy, ...
The Week’s Most Soaring, Warring, and Boring Headlines WHAT WOULD POCAHONTAS DO? From all appearances, Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren is a white woman—a homely, shrill, mannish, unpleasant, humorless, ball-busting white woman, but a white woman nonetheless. Yet she insists she is the ...
The Week’s Most Segregated, Agitated, and Constipated Headlines CHURCH OF SWEDEN TELLS GOD THE FATHER TO TAKE A HIKE Sweden is a beautiful nation in Northern Europe that once was the home of vikings but is now saddled with a low-T population of she-wolves and geldings. To be accused of rape ...
The Week’s Most Evil, Medieval, and Primeval Headlines THIS WEEK’S HOLLYWOOD PERVERTS For far too long, Hollywood has claimed to be the nation’s moral conscience. This is why it’s been so thrilling over the past few weeks to watch Hollywood stabbing itself to death. This week brings another ...
The Week’s Chilliest, Frilliest, and Silliest Headlines HOLLYWOOD’S SEXUAL-ASSAULT FREIGHT TRAIN KEEPS ON A-ROLLIN’ Ever since the tiny elites who cluster together in tiny swaths of America’s coasts appointed themselves the moral arbiters of an entire nation that they deem to be teeming ...
The Week’s Most Putrescent, Pubescent, and Adolescent Headlines CELEBRATING THE COMMUNIST CENTURY One thing all good students of history know is that despite the passage of time, people never get smarter. This week will mark the hundredth anniversary of the Bolshevik Revolution. You may have ...
