The Week’s Most Dissipated, Obliterated, and Eviscerated Headlines GEORGE WASHINGTON MURAL TRAUMATIZES STUDENTS Nonwhite children at George Washington High School in San Francisco were horrified to encounter a 1936 mural that depicts, as fate would have it, George Washington, who just so ...
The Week’s Most Perverted, Diverted, and Disconcerted Headlines SPORTS TEAMS BAN KATE SMITH FOR “PICKANINNY” AND “DARKIES” SONGS Kate Smith was a fat white woman beloved for decades by Americans for her rendition of “God Bless America,” which she belted out with the gusto of a ...
The Week’s Most Defamatory, Inflammatory, and Confirmatory Headlines IS FRANCE BURNING? One needed the sentience of a rock to be able to ignore the deep symbolism behind the specter of the Notre Dame Cathedral burning last Monday in Paris—here was a presumably ineffable symbol of France, of ...
The Week’s Stingiest, Mingiest, and Whingiest Headlines JULIAN ASSANGE ARRESTED Master hacker and exotic dancer Julian Assange has been holed up in London’s Ecuadorian Embassy since 2012 when they offered him refuge from some rather flimsy rape charges regarding a 2010 incident in Sweden. ...
The Week’s Most Wheezing, Teasing, and Displeasing Headlines AMERICA LOSES ITS RELIGION According to the recently released General Social Survey, Americans who identify with no religion now edge out Catholics and Evangelicals, and all three groups leave mainline Protestants in the ...
The Week’s Most Screwy, Gooey, and Jewy Headlines BLACK/GAY/JEWISH HATE-CRIME HOAXER WALKS FREE Just when you thought the arc of the moral universe was bending toward justice in the case of fabulist actor/hate-crime hoaxer Jussie Smollett, that arc bent over, grabbed its ankles, and was ...
The Week’s Most Grueling, Mewling, and Befooling Headlines TROUBLE AT THE POVERTY PALACE The Southern Poverty Law Center is misnamed for the following reasons: 1) SOUTHERN: Despite the fact that its headquarters are located in Alabama, it is aggressively anti-Southern by dint of the fact ...
The Week’s Most Bathetic, Emetic, and Splenetic Headlines AS YOUNG AMERICANS EMBRACE SOCIALISM, BERNIE SANDERS WALKS INTO A GLASS SHOWER DOOR, REQUIRING STITCHES An exclusive Harris poll reveals that Generation Z—a cohort that comprises a quarter of the American population and consists of ...
The Week’s Most Divided, Misguided, and Lopsided Headlines BIDEN’S PAST BITES HIM IN THE ASS Joe Biden is an unnecessary politician from an unnecessary place named Delaware—a grim, postage-stamp-sized patch of land which became the nation’s first state and then gave up. Through ...
The Week’s Sleepiest, Weepiest, and Creepiest Headlines TAKE AMERICA’S HATS AGAIN In a national epidemic of “soft lynching” that seems designed to degrade and humiliate, people wearing “Make America Great Again” hats are being attacked by illiterate cretins who’s minuscule ...
