The Week’s Most Blazing, Crazing, and Dog-Dazing Headlines JUDGE FUDGE 1992’s The Distinguished Gentleman starred Eddie Murphy as a jive-talkin’ brutha who impersonates a deceased congressman, and 2003’s Head of State starred Chris Rock as a jive-talkin’ brutha who becomes president when ...
The Week’s Most Bacterial, Venereal, and Juneteenth Funereal Headlines MR. FREEZE MEETS MR. FRIES Another Juneteenth, another body count as America’s blacks celebrate the freedom to murder each other. Incidents in Texas, New York, and California were Juneteenth business as usual. Unique this ...
The Week’s Most Faddy, Paddy, and Day-for-Daddy Headlines THE THIN BLACK LINE After a state trooper was killed last week by a drugged-up driver during a traffic stop in Wethersfield, Connecticut, the township council refused to fly the “thin blue line” flag in his memory. The ...
The Week’s Most Time-Biding, Home-Siding, and Gay-Priding Headlines GAY GROUP AIDS GAZA It’s LGBLT Pride Month! And you probably hadn’t finished celebrating May’s Pacific Islander Heritage Month. Well, time to trade lei for gay and grass skirts for ass hurts. Time to segue from fat ...
The Week’s Most Roomy, Doomy, and June-Gloomy Headlines END-STAGE STAGES Maybe the real nightmare regarding immigration isn’t that “they’re not sending their best,” but that they are, which, considering what they’re sending, speaks terrible volumes about what’s left behind. When ...
The Week’s Most Arboreal, Raptorial, and Day-of-Memorial Headlines EIN VOLK, EIN REICH, EIN FUROR It’s been widely reported that when Jimmy Carter was running for reelection, he told his advisers, “If I get in, I’m gonna fuck the Jews.” This from a man whose presidency had been crippled ...
The Week’s Most Hunching, Bunching, and Actor-Punching Headlines GENDERONIMO! American mass shootings have occurred everywhere. Schools, malls, churches, temples (Jew, Sikh, and Buddhist), movie theaters, concerts, offices, even planes (disgruntled black PSA employee David Burke). Amazingly, the ...
The Week’s Most Glomming, Aplombing, and Flowers-for-Momming Headlines BREAKING BAD (WIND) How do you know you’re the least popular American president in history? When you lose a ratings war to farts. In the 1990s, Howard Stern, at the time the most highly rated radio host in the U.S., ...
The Week’s Most Trying, Plying, and Cinco-de-Maying Headlines OFF THE BEATEN PATHOLOGICAL Tranny advocates can’t find their Matthew Shepard, the gay man “beaten, tortured, and crucified by rednecks” in Laramie in 1998. Of course, turns out the murder wasn’t a hate crime but a dispute ...
The Week’s Most Fussing, Trussing, and Exodussing Headlines HOLLYWOOD MAGIC, HOLLYWOOD TRAGIC The anchor of the Universal Studios Hollywood theme park is the legendary tram ride, which used to feature several “practical effect” attractions, including an animatronic King Kong that would shake ...
