The Week’s Most Humbling, Grumbling, and Bumbling Headlines ARBEIT MACHT KRANKHEITSFREI For almost a year now, anti-lockdown protesters and refuseniks in the U.S. have dropped the capital N-word regarding heavy-handed government efforts to control the behavior of Americans in the name of ...
The Week’s Most Sodden, Throdden, and Downtrodden Headlines NAZI PIANO CONCERTO, NUMBER TWO (SECOND MOVEMENT) Third Reich? More like Turd Reich. In the immediate aftermath of the Jan. 6 Capitol protest and riot, reportage tended to focus on the big stories—the deaths, the violence, the ...
The Week’s Testiest, Zestiest, and Unrestiest Headlines “BRED FOR SUPERIORITY” MEETS ITS POLAR OPPOSITE Well, this was a crime worthy of Ocean’s 11. Or perhaps more appropriately IQ of 11. Twenty-one-year-old Royshana King (no word on whether she has a brother named Siegfriedshana) of ...
The Week’s Shakiest, Bakiest, and Deepfakiest Headlines BLACKS BLAST BUSTED BUST 2020 was many things, all of them bad. It was the year of COVID, the year of George Floyd, the year of riots and looting, the year of economic downturn, the year of mass retail bankruptcies, and the year of dodgy ...
The Week’s Most Trending, Offending, and Year-Ending Headlines BLACK SWAN LAKE The ballet dancers weren’t really very good—no better than anybody else would have been, anyway. They were burdened with sashweights and bags of birdshot, and their faces were masked, so that no one, seeing a free ...
The Week’s Most Chiding, Abiding, and Yuletiding Headlines SOMETIMES YOU RAP THE WINDOW, AND SOMETIMES THE WINDOW RAPS YOU “When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window.” —Maria, The Sound of Music “It’s a trap!” —Admiral Ackbar, Return of the Jedi In British ...
The Week’s Most Stoned, Boned, and Bemoaned Headlines “VEE HAFF VAYS OF MAKING YOU NOT TALK.” Last week saw the 79th anniversary of Pearl Harbor, a.k.a. the day the Japanese favored the world with a strikingly vivid real-life illustration of the phrase “biting off more than you can ...
The Week’s Most Nerdy, Sturdy, and Wordy Headlines HOW DO YOU DO, FELLOW KIDS? He looks like an African F. Murray Abraham. An almost completely bald Muslim immigrant from Gambia with crow’s-feet and liver spots has been passing himself off as a 15-year-old boy in order to get some tasty ...
The Week’s Chunkiest, Clunkiest, and Slam-Dunkiest Headlines WAIT, TRUMP FAILED TO LOCK SOMEONE UP? NO! If there’s a single story that encapsulates the unrealized promise of the Trump administration and the dashed dreams of its supporters, it’s the odd saga of Mexico’s former defense ...
The Week’s Most Colicky, Frolicky, and Bollocky Headlines MS. CREOSOTE DEMANDS A RECOUNT Last week, officials finally finished counting the votes in the Sumter, S.C., mayor’s race. And what a barn burner it was! Sumter has had the same mayor for twenty years—the ancient Joe McElveen, who ...
