The Week’s Most Supernova, Apache Cordova, and Shana Tova Headlines YO’ MAMA KIPPUR For Jews, these are the High Holy Days, the period of getting atoned between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. For blacks, these are the Wholly High Days, the period of getting stoned with kush, hash, and a young ...
The Week’s Most Griefing, Debriefing, and Autumn-Leafing Headlines PRINCESS OF WHALES Nobody’s saying Rolling Stone film critic Katie Rife is fat, but her dress size is IMAX. Nobody’s saying she’s heavy, but any theater she enters becomes an underground cinema. Nobody’s saying she’s ...
The Week’s Most Rancorous, Cankerous, and Cantankerous Headlines THE EMPEROR JONESTOWN If Corn Pop was a bad dude, wait till you meet Soda Pop. Get ready for carbonated bruthas. Black social media “influencer” Rashad Jamal considers himself “god,” and like all affirmative-action ...
The Week’s Most Crooning, Spooning, and Harvest Mooning Headlines QUEEN BEE (GONE) R.I.P. Queen Elizabeth, who passed away at age 96 after ramming her car into a house at full speed while high on cocaine and fentanyl. CORRECTION: That was Anne Heche. We apologize for the error. The Queen ...
The Week’s Most Staid, Unmade, and Labor Day’d Headlines ECCE HOMA You let one black cannibal killer go free, and folks never let you live it down. In 2021, Oklahoma governor Kevin Stitt commuted the sentence of cannibal-murderer Lawrence Anderson (a.k.a. Panhandibal Lecter), who repaid the ...
The Week’s Most Nixing, Transfixing, and Netflixing Headlines THE CASE OF THE NAPPY NAPKIN NAPPING For black women in Houston who need help with unmanageable hair, Erin Mims is the go-to girl for the ghet-to gal. As owner of Alluring Locz Kingdom & Fades And Meaux Barber Studio (motto: ...
The Week’s Most Slicken, Wiccan, and Drought-Stricken Headlines SALMAN FILLET Ayatollah Khomeini wore many turbans. Brutal dictator and architect of Iran’s Islamic revolution, merciless hard-line religious cleric, and six-time Southwestern Asia chili cook-off farting champion. But arguably his ...
The Week’s Most Guessing, Confessing, and Stop-the-Pressing Headlines THE CHUNG POISONER’S HANDBOOK Say Yu, say me Say it for always That bitch poisoned my tea! Tiger mom, meet lye-ger wife. She’s a whiz with caustic chemicals in the kitchen, but she doesn’t use ’em for cleaning. Poor ...
The Week’s Most Blighted, Delighted, and United Headlines “NOW I AM BECOME METH” It’s easy to laugh at vapid Hollywood celebrities. Sometimes we laugh so hard we forget the many amazing scientific advancements gifted to the world by Tinseltown’s finest. John Landis proved that when an ...
The Week’s Most Spanking, Banking, and Pranking Headlines CHINAMAN WOKS THE PRANK Me Chinese, Me make joke, Me make fools of African folk. As China ruthlessly colonizes Africa, usurping and exploiting the Dark Continent’s resources for the benefit of the yellow nation, Chinese pranksters are ...
