The Week's Most Bent, Spent, and Given-Up-For-Lent Headlines BROWNIE V. BOARD OF EDUCATION The final week of Black History Month is upon us, and peanut butter inventors are going from smooth to crunchy in their forever-war against fast food. Last Wednesday, two women were shot in a ...
The Week’s Most Spaying, Slaying, and Presidents’-Daying Headlines I GOT YOU, BOOB California’s 31-year “year of the woman” is finally coming to an end (that was one looooong year). In 1992 two female Democrats—Barbara Boxer and Dianne Feinstein—became first-time senators. While ...
The Week’s Most Narrowing, Harrowing, and Cupid’s Arrowing Headlines UP, UP, AND HUAWEI IN MY BEAUTIFUL BALLOON The Chinese just can’t help stealing intellectual property. And as always, their pilfered remakes are of inferior quality. Like the Chinese version of The Red Balloon, which ...
The Week’s Rootinist, Tootinist, and Shootinist Headlines THE JOY GLOCK CLUB Tiger mom? Meet Luger gramps. Old Asian men are so over the stereotype of the wise elderly Oriental. “Wax on/wax off” has become safety on/safety off, as America sees a gleatest genelation of Mister Miyagis embrace ...
The Week’s Most Swarming, Norming, and Storming Headlines THE FINAL SOIL-UTION It’s a popular meme: A wolf, spying a bunch of hunter-gatherers, muses, “Maybe I’ll befriend those humans; what’s the worst that could happen?” Cut to an image of a toy poodle dressed up like a pansy by its ...
The Week’s Most Creamy, Steamy, and I-Have-a-Dreamy Headlines SHRIMP ON THE KLAUS BARBIE In this week’s edition of “you can’t win fer losin’,” Australian whites tried to do the right thing for their people of color, only to discover that the right thing is the wrong thing. And the ...
The Week’s Most Evolving, Absolving, and New Year’s Resolving Headlines KAREN-EYES CODY “Iron-Eyes Cody,” one of the most successful Native American actors in American history, is perhaps best known as the “crying Indian” in the Keep America Beautiful PSAs of the 1970s. Turned out ...
The Week’s Most Cheering, Jeering, and Happy New Yearing Headlines SLAP UNHAPPY Poor Will Smith, doomed to a career bookended by plaintively wailing, “How come they don’t want me, man?” Smith’s reportedly in deep distress over the failure of his latest “Oscar bait” film, ...
The Week’s Most Snowing, Glowing, and Ho-Ho-Ho-ing Headlines THE TRAGICALLY HIPPO Christmas carols in Africa have their own unique flavor: I want a hippopotamus for Christmas, Only a hippopotamus will do! Mom’s got Ebola, and Marburg took my dad, But a hippo in my stocking, that would surely ...
The Week’s Most Tingling, Mingling, and Kris Kringling Headlines DODDER KNOWS BEST Wearing his finest Christmas sweater, Joe Biden sits in his comfy recliner by a roaring fireplace. The family dog brings him his pipe and slippers. Aides rush in because Biden has a burning slipper in his mouth ...
