The Week’s Most Drooling, Tooling, and Back-to-Schooling Headlines KAMI-KAMI-KAMI-KAMIKAZE CHAMELEON In the Philippines, September 3rd is known as Yamashita Surrender Day, marking the moment the war formally ended in that nation in 1945 with the capitulation of Japanese General Tomoyuki ...
The Week’s Most Sabering, Neighboring, and Day-of-Laboring Headlines 2023: A SPICE ODYSSEY A prehistoric veldt in South Asia. Members of a hairy, knuckle-walking Paleolithic cavemen tribe stare quizzically at a large black monolith. Grunting, screeching, and flinging poo, they hesitantly ...
The Week’s Most Lurkin’, Twerkin’, and Jerkin’ Headlines MAKE THAT 86,999 As Sen. Joe Manchin—a.k.a. “the kid from Deliverance with a super PAC”—mulls his political future, which may include a third-party run under the newly formed Kallikak Caucus (which includes John Fetterman and ...
The Week’s Most Tiring, Inspiring, and Wildfiring Headlines AUTISTINIAN PRIVILEGE Could this be the end of “cancel culture”? For one lucky fella, apparently so. HuffPost recently ran a breathless exposé of Richard Hanania, a right/libertarian author who’s become the darling of “tech ...
The Week’s Most Fissioned, Partitioned, and Air-Conditioned Headlines TURBAN BLIGHT Don’t know much about history, Don’t know much of Indira Gandhi, Don’t know what happened at Amritsar, From California that place is far. But I do know, don’t steal from Sikhs, These muthas ain’t no ...
The Week’s Most Spaying, Splaying, and Enola Gaying Headlines GOO GOO G’JEWB When Fran Drescher was elected president of SAG-AFTRA, it was only because people with more annoying voices were unavailable. Gilbert Gottfried and Screech are dead, and being Canadian, Geddy Lee’s ...
The Week’s Most Lean, Mean, and Augustine Headlines WELL, BLOW ME DOWNTOWN June 2021, Downtown L.A.—A Mexican had been stockpiling illegal fireworks (the only thing Mexis love more than drunk driving is setting off fireworks; the Mexican dream is driving drunk in a car that shoots off ...
The Week’s Most Spiking, Striking, and Skirt-Hiking Headlines NONTRANSFERABLE NON-SKILLS The Writers Guild strike is like a Rocky IV alternate ending. Drago says, “I must break you,” Rocky says, “Go for it,” and Drago KOs him with one punch. The writers who created the race-over-quality ...
The Week’s Most Knowing, Crowing, and Beachgoing Headlines WILLY WONKKKA Last week the trailer for the new Willy Wonka prequel had its world premiere. Wonka stars delicate androgyne Timothée Chalamet as a young version of the eccentric chocolatier made famous by Gene Wilder (or as anyone under ...
The Week’s Most Swaying, Slaying, and Dog Daying Headlines INDIANA JONES AND THE HOLOCAUST OF INEVITABILITY Way to go, Indy. You saved Hitler. Again. In Raiders of the Lost Ark, Hitler insists on being the first to open the Ark, and if Indy had let that happen, Adolf and the entire Nazi ...
