The Week's Most Conspicuous, Ubiquitous, and Ridiculous Headlines TO KILL A FINCH For decades, true believers in the holy cause of anti-racism have venerated the unrealistically saintly Atticus Finch, the heroic white lawyer from To Kill a Mockingbird who valiantly attempts to defend an innocent ...
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The Week's Most Painful, Baneful, and Shameful Headlines CALIFORNIA: NOW MORE LATINO THAN WHITE New figures released by the Census Bureau reveal that as of July 1 of last year, so-called “Latinos”"who, let’s be frank, don’t speak Latin and have never been to ...
The Week's Most Daring, Uncaring, and Overbearing Headlines “RENT A JEW” PROGRAM LAUNCHED IN GERMANY Do you have any Jewish friends? If not, have you ever considered renting one? A new program in Germany enables you to “Rent a Jew” at will. For a designated cost, you will ...
The Week's Most Convoluted, Persecuted, and Prostituted Headlines OUT, DAMN"D RACIST SPOT! Amid the national moral panic that’s been engineered and whipped up subsequent to the recent Charleston church shooting, dunderheaded moral crusaders everywhere are buzzing around like brainwashed ...
The Week's Most Bombastic, Sarcastic, and Iconoclastic Headlines THE MEXORCIST Although few will admit it, everyone secretly knows that Mexico is infested with demons. There are the drug gangs and the prostitutes and the human slaves and the underpaid mariachi players and the mass graves and the ...
The Week's Sauciest, Glossiest, and Mossiest Headlines A NEW WAY TO KEEP HOLOCAUST SURVIVORS ALIVE FOREVER When they said, "Never forget," they weren"t kidding! Seventy years after World War II ended, the world is facing a dearth of Holocaust survivors. This, naturally, threatens the ...
The Week's Most Abused, Bemused, and Confused Headlines A UNICORN NAMED CAITLYN World champion Olympic athlete Bruce Jenner revealed to a jubilant and enthralled world last week that he has finally crossed a magical rainbow bridge and is now actually a unicorn named "Caitlyn." Although ...
The Week's Sappiest, Crappiest, and Nappiest Headlines BALTIMORE, BLOODY BALTIMORE What's been referred to by the Pansy Press as "unrest" in Baltimore"which makes it sound like insomnia rather than violent mayhem"continues unabated. Over Memorial Day Weekend in Charm City, 29 ...
The Week's Most Daunting, Haunting, and Taunting Headlines ERIN GO GAY The arc of the moral universe bent over, grabbed its ankles, and accepted “justice” into its rectum on Saturday as 62% of voters in Ireland approved of a gay-marriage referendum. The vote was historic, with the ...
