The Week’s Trickiest, Stickiest, and Ickiest Headlines BOY SCOUTS WILL ACCEPT GIRLS WHO THINK THEY’RE BOYS In over 100 years of its existence, the Boy Scouts of America had a very hateful, destructive, and counterfactual admission policy"it would only allow boys to claim that ...
The Week's Most Benign, Anodyne, and Asinine Headlines NEW PRESIDENT SPROUTS WINGS AND SOARS In his first week as President of These Here United States, Our Glorious Leader Donald J. Trump swept down from Valhalla and accomplished more than most presidents do in a lifetime. Among his innumerable ...
The Week’s Most Sportive, Supportive, and Abortive Headlines WOMEN MARCH ON WASHINGTON, PRETENDING THEY DON"T HAVE EQUAL RIGHTS On Friday, January 20, 2017, Donald Jerusalem Trump became the President of the United States. Let that sink in. DONALD TRUMP IS NOW PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED ...
The Week's Most Obsructionist, Reductionist, and Deconstructionist Headlines TRUMP BITCH-SLAPS MEDIA AT PRESS CONFERENCE Donald Julius Caesar Trump"who becomes President of the United States on Friday"took the American media to the woodshed and fed it to a wood chipper last ...
The Week's Most Predatory, Statutory, and Nugatory Headlines EX-JUNKIE CELEBRITY CHEF EXPLAINS WHY TRUMP WON Anthony Bourdain is a celebrity chef who likes to brag about how he was a heroin addict in his early 20s who "would have robbed your medicine cabinet had I been invited to your ...
The Week's Most Demented, Fermented, and Discontented Headlines KLANSMEN SAY CABLE NETWORK PAID THEM TO FABRICATE "HATE" EVENTS FOR "REALITY" SHOW If there's any group in America that could use a better PR agent, it's the Ku Klux Klan. Although they are unlikely to be believed ...
The Week's Most Inveterate, Degenerate, and Confederate Headlines GAY LAWYER HASSLES IVANKA TRUMP ON A PLANE Ivanka Trump is the beautiful and eminently bangable blonde daughter of President-Elect and Emperor-to-Be Donald Trump. She is such a prize specimen of femininity that her father once ...
The Week's Rudest, Crudest, and Lewdest Headlines MICHELLE OBAMA FEELS HOPELESS Michelle Obama is feted and loved around the world for no other apparent reason than the fact that she walks around with a vagina that has ancestral roots in the Dark Continent. Eight years ago when her mulatto hubby ...
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The Week's Gassiest, Brassiest, and Classiest Headlines GEERT WILDERS FOUND GUILTY OF HATE SPEECH, MAY BECOME DUTCH PRIME MINISTER ANYWAY Like Donald Trump, Dutch politician Geert Wilders opposes Muslim immigration and has spectacular hair. But last Friday, a triumvirate of sissy-baby Dutch judges ...
The Week's Most Offensive, Apprehensive, and Hypertensive Headlines WILL A BLACK MUSLIM HEAD THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL COMMITTEE? As further evidence that it remains painfully clueless about what led to its stunning electoral defeat in November, the Democratic Party is ramping up their minority ...
