The Week's Snappiest, Crappiest, and Unhappiest Headlines "MOTHER OF ALL BOMBS" ACCUSED OF SEXISM Fulfilling Donald Trump's campaign promise to "bomb the shit out of" ISIS, US forces dropped an 11-ton Massive Ordnance Air Blast (MOAB) bomb on an Islamic State stronghold in eastern ...
The Week’s Most Abusive, Intrusive, and Exclusive Headlines HAS TRUMP GONE FULL NEOCON? We regret to inform our readers that last Thursday, Donald Trump authorized the US military to fire 59 Tomahawk missiles at a Syrian airfield that was suspected of launching a chemical-weapons attack ...
The Week's Most Dogmatic, Prostatic, and Schismatic Headlines CONGRESSWOMAN's HAIR COMPARED TO JAMES BROWN's, WORLD RECOILS IN RIGHTEOUS HORROR"¨Since 1991, Democratic Congresswoman Maxine Waters has represented much of southern Los Angeles, a wonderfully vibrant community which has gifted the ...
The Week's Most Frightening, Enlightening, and Whitening Headlines CANADIAN GOVERNMENT OFFICIALLY CONDEMNS "ISLAMOPHOBIA" Canada is a nation that hates America because America is much more famous than Canada. Its prime minister, the alleged bastard son of Fidel Castro, wears goofy hats ...
The Week's Most Tickly, Sickly, and Prickly Headlines RACHEL MADDOW DROPS A BOMBSHELL ON HERSELF MSNBC's Rachel Maddow is easily the manliest broadcaster currently on television, with her free testosterone levels at any given moment measuring roughly 400% those of her lesbian coworker Chris Hayes. ...
The Week's Most Spoiled, Soiled, and Uncoiled Headlines UNIVISION ANCHOR: "THIS IS NOT A WHITE COUNTRY" Emmy Award-winning Univision TV anchor Jorge Ramos is often referred to as the "Walter Cronkite of Latin America," and we"re not sure what that says about Walter Cronkite or ...
The Week's Most Cynical, Inimical, and Rabbinical Headlines PRESS COVERAGE OF TRUMP: 88% HOSTILE Because President Donald J. Trump is a realistic and intelligent man, he despises the press. Even though they started this war with him, yet they seem to lack both the honor and the insight to ...
The Week's Most Melodious, Odious, and Incommodious Headlines LE PEN REFUSES TO WEAR HEADSCARF In a bold "n" brilliant act of political theater that will undoubtedly draw parallels to Rosa Parks, Joan of Arc, Charles Martel, Mahatma Gandhi, and maybe even the bra-burning feminists of the ...
The Week’s Most Corrosive, Implosive, and Erosive Headlines McCAIN DANCES AN IRISH JIG FOR HIS GLOBALIST OVERLORDS John McCain is a decrepit and senile leprechaun who failed in his quest for the presidency, which is why he seethes with sclerotic resentment for President Donald J. Trump. Of ...
The Week's Most Homicidal, Suicidal, and Genocidal Headlines BILL KRISTOL CALLS FOR WHITE WORKING CLASS TO BE REPLACED Bill Kristol is a pot-bellied garden gnome with a simperingly effeminate vocal inflection whose father Irving was known as the "Godfather of Neoconservatism." As the ...
