The Week’s Most Bitter, Glitter, and Eid al-Fitr Headlines WE INTERRUPT YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMADAN... Canadians are like sloths. It’s hard to hate sloths. They’re cute, funny, and no threat to man. Also, they’re dumb as bricks. By all physical appearances they don’t even ...
The Week’s Funniest, Runniest, and Easter Bunniest Headlines GENTILE CLUBS, JEWISH BALLS In early-1900s West L.A., the WASP elites spent their leisure time at the Rancho Country Club golf course. Whites only, except for the Japanese gardeners who routinely blew themselves up to take out gopher ...
The Week’s Clingiest, Stringiest, and Springiest Headlines SXSS The South by Southwest (SXSW) film and music festival in Austin is no stranger to disruption. In 2014, a man named Rashad Charjuan Owens plowed through the crowd in his SUV, killing four. Why’d he do it? It was springtime; there ...
The Week’s Most Bah, Blah, and Erin-Go-Bragh Headlines AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE TEACHER AWAY (HOPEFULLY) The Long Beach (California) Unified School District has paid $900,000 to a group called “Californians for Justice,” which bribes students $1,400 each to participate in “racial and ...
The Week’s Most Glowering, Empowering, and Lose-an-Houring Headlines HEAP BAD DECISION The Telegraph has declared Americans “in revolt” against “green energy,” thanks to the mass killing of bird species courtesy of wind farms. But a better example of environmental mismanagement occurred ...
The Week’s Most Scion, Zion, and In-Like-a-Lion Headlines KURDS AND WHY Mohammed El-Kurd bills himself as “the first-ever Palestine correspondent for The Nation.” Though technically, that’s not true. There’ve been others, but they’ve always blown themselves up on day one because they ...
The Week’s Most Vile, Worthwhile, and Bissextile Headlines MARCUS STARVEY According to The New York Times, there’s a growing movement of American blacks relocating to Africa. The black participants are calling it “Blaxit.” Fast-food workers, subway riders, Asian pedestrians, and Super ...
The Week’s Most Torrential, Deferential, and Presidential Headlines NUTS TO YOU A guy walks into a doctor’s office. Though normal from all outward appearances, when the man speaks, out comes the most appalling sound—a screeching, lispy monstrosity of a voice. “Doctor,” he says, ...
The Week’s Most Wining, Dining, and Be-My-Valentining Headlines HOLLYWOOD’S BLACKLIST Santa’s Village was an amusement park where kids could experience Christmas year-round. Black History Month is the Santa’s Village of observances. Every month in the U.S. is a forced celebration of ...
The Week’s Most Veering, Peering, and Leap-Yearing Headlines SOMEWHERE OVER THE BRAIN-SLOW It was the greatest unsolved mystery of our time. D.B. Cooper? The Black Dahlia? The Zodiac killer? Dudley Moore’s movie career (dude was five feet tall...how the hell did he become a romantic lead in ...
