The Week’s Sickest, Slickest, and Thickest Headlines SEXUAL PSYCHOPATH JEFFREY EPSTEIN WANTS TO SEED THE PLANET WITH HIS JIZZ According to songwriter Burt Bacharach, what the world needs now is love, sweet love; according to astronomically wealthy pedophile Jeffrey Epstein, what the world needs ...
The Week’s Most Addictive, Constrictive, and Vindictive Headlines FEMALE POLITICIAN’S HATE-CRIME HOAX UNRAVELS QUICKER THAN SHE CAN SCREAM, “RACIST!!!” Erica Thomas is an aggressively dumb and juvenile black woman in Georgia with peroxided hair that’s only a quarter of an inch long, so ...
The Week’s Most Candid, Underhanded, and Reprimanded Headlines TRUMP GOES FULL PIRANHA AGAINST COLORED CONGRESSWOMEN Despite the fact that he’s raised the debt and failed to build a wall and has proved to be Israel’s bitch, Donald Trump will occasionally do something that reminds us of why ...
The Week’s Most Quixotic, Sclerotic, and Unpatriotic Headlines FACEBOOK BANS VIOLENT THREATS UNLESS THE TARGET IS “DANGEROUS” Because violence isn’t violence so long as it’s directed at someone who’s evil, Facebook recently updated its Community Standards section to prohibit death ...
The Week’s Most Chancrous, Rancorous, and Cantankerous Headlines BETSY ROSS DOES NOT REFLECT AMERICA’S VALUES When he isn’t failing as a professional quarterback, the angry, big-nosed mulatto known as Colin Kaepernick likes to ignore his personal fortune of $20 million and pretend that ...
The Week’s Most Foolish, Ghoulish, and Mulish Headlines PUTIN SAYS LIBERALISM IS OBSOLETE There is absolutely no debate that Vladimir Putin is one of the world’s sexiest men, with not only a net worth that dwarfs that of Donald Trump but also the raw physical fighting acumen that would permit ...
The Week’s Faggiest, Saggiest, and Naggiest Headlines OH, PLEASE, NOT THIS “REPARATIONS” NONSENSE AGAIN! Since the word “reparations” is derived from the word “repair”—which basically means “to return to the state of affairs prior to the alleged damage”— a truly sensible ...
The Week’s Most Retarded, Discarded, and Disregarded Headlines OPPRESSION THROUGH DODGEBALL, REDEMPTION THROUGH YOGA It’s highly likely that you are entirely unaware that team sports such as dodgeball and physical disciplines such as yoga are highly political activities whereby one can either ...
The Week’s Most Acidic, Hasidic, and Druidic Headlines NEW YORK STATE GIVES FREE VIAGRA TO SEX OFFENDERS If you are a convicted rapist living in New York State who’s having trouble achieving and maintaining an erection in order to give a new victim a right proper coercive rogering, take ...
The Week’s Wormiest, Germiest, and Spermiest Headlines JOHN CLEESE SAYS LONDON IS NO LONGER AN ENGLISH CITY Like everyone who states the obvious these days, Monty Python founder John Cleese is being pounded on social media. His crime was simply to observe that London is no longer an English ...
