The Week’s Most Nerdy, Sturdy, and Wordy Headlines HOW DO YOU DO, FELLOW KIDS? He looks like an African F. Murray Abraham. An almost completely bald Muslim immigrant from Gambia with crow’s-feet and liver spots has been passing himself off as a 15-year-old boy in order to get some tasty ...
The Week’s Chunkiest, Clunkiest, and Slam-Dunkiest Headlines WAIT, TRUMP FAILED TO LOCK SOMEONE UP? NO! If there’s a single story that encapsulates the unrealized promise of the Trump administration and the dashed dreams of its supporters, it’s the odd saga of Mexico’s former defense ...
The Week’s Most Colicky, Frolicky, and Bollocky Headlines MS. CREOSOTE DEMANDS A RECOUNT Last week, officials finally finished counting the votes in the Sumter, S.C., mayor’s race. And what a barn burner it was! Sumter has had the same mayor for twenty years—the ancient Joe McElveen, who ...
The Week’s Most Vexing, Perplexing, and Witch-Hexing Headlines OCEANS SO WHITE Apparently, the field of oceanographic research has a diversity problem. If there’s a lack of black folks in oceanography, it’s probably for the same reason that there’s a lack of wicked witches in ...
The Week’s Gaudiest, Bawdiest, and Voter-Fraudiest Headlines BUD-BUD-BUD-BIDEN The bitter stench of Joe Biden’s duplicitous campaign is well-seasoned with curry. Turns out while every leftist media hack and his retarded cousin were harping on the tired and largely baseless “Russian bots help ...
The Week’s Most Blazing, Crazing, and Hair-Raising Headlines “WAS IT SOMETHING WE SAID?” Some people are really slow to take a hint. After a thousand years of pogroms, forced expulsions, and a Holocaust, the Jews of Europe are finally packing up and moving on. According to a recently ...
The Week’s Most Thunderous, Plunderous, and Blunderous Headlines RAPPER KARENS HIMSELF In Mexico, it’s quite common for members of the drug cartels to either sing songs about their crimes, or commission professional musicians to write and record songs about their crimes. Those ditties, called ...
The Week’s Most Inharmonic, Histrionic, and Cacophonic Headlines JEWISH SOAP OPERA Arguably, somewhere in the world there might exist a worse human being than Sacha Baron Cohen...but it’s doubtful. This is a guy who’s made millions of dollars by pushing his free-speech rights to the limit ...
The Week’s Most Eclectic, Anorectic, and Apoplectic Headlines THE STUNNING AND BRAVE STATELY HOMOS OF TWITTER Back when The Simpsons was still relevant (and funny), there was an episode in which the Springfield gay-pride parade marches past the Simpson home. Two of the marchers raise their fists ...
The Week’s Most Cloying, Annoying, and Soul-Destroying Headlines BEELZEBUB HONORS RBG If you were a fiction writer trying to come up with a name for a diabolically evil female character, you couldn’t do better than “Satana Deberry.” Indeed, such a name might be attacked by critics as too ...
