The Week’s Most Teachable, Reachable, and Unimpeachable Headlines ILL-STARRED INTERSECTIONALIST Somebody get that sista a rabbit’s foot! There’s bad luck, and then there’s Dr. Crystallee Crain, the urban contemporary version of Schleprock. Last week, the Portland Tribune announced that ...
The Week’s Most Leveled, Bedeviled, and Disheveled Headlines ACRONYMS ARE ANTI-BLACKRONYMS WTF OMG SMH. It’s only February and already the people who do the stuff that makes you say, “It can’t get any stupider than this” have gone and done something stupider than this. Yes, the leftist ...
The Week’s Most Velocious, Ferocious, and Braggadocious Headlines PRAISE RHESUS FOR A BOUNTIFUL HARVEST! Not every country is lucky enough to be situated next door to Mexico. Indeed, illegal immigration would be far less of a problem in the U.S. if not for the marriage made in heaven of an ...
The Week’s Most Humbling, Grumbling, and Bumbling Headlines ARBEIT MACHT KRANKHEITSFREI For almost a year now, anti-lockdown protesters and refuseniks in the U.S. have dropped the capital N-word regarding heavy-handed government efforts to control the behavior of Americans in the name of ...
The Week’s Most Sodden, Throdden, and Downtrodden Headlines NAZI PIANO CONCERTO, NUMBER TWO (SECOND MOVEMENT) Third Reich? More like Turd Reich. In the immediate aftermath of the Jan. 6 Capitol protest and riot, reportage tended to focus on the big stories—the deaths, the violence, the ...
The Week’s Testiest, Zestiest, and Unrestiest Headlines “BRED FOR SUPERIORITY” MEETS ITS POLAR OPPOSITE Well, this was a crime worthy of Ocean’s 11. Or perhaps more appropriately IQ of 11. Twenty-one-year-old Royshana King (no word on whether she has a brother named Siegfriedshana) of ...
The Week’s Shakiest, Bakiest, and Deepfakiest Headlines BLACKS BLAST BUSTED BUST 2020 was many things, all of them bad. It was the year of COVID, the year of George Floyd, the year of riots and looting, the year of economic downturn, the year of mass retail bankruptcies, and the year of dodgy ...
The Week’s Most Trending, Offending, and Year-Ending Headlines BLACK SWAN LAKE The ballet dancers weren’t really very good—no better than anybody else would have been, anyway. They were burdened with sashweights and bags of birdshot, and their faces were masked, so that no one, seeing a free ...
The Week’s Most Chiding, Abiding, and Yuletiding Headlines SOMETIMES YOU RAP THE WINDOW, AND SOMETIMES THE WINDOW RAPS YOU “When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window.” —Maria, The Sound of Music “It’s a trap!” —Admiral Ackbar, Return of the Jedi In British ...
The Week’s Most Stoned, Boned, and Bemoaned Headlines “VEE HAFF VAYS OF MAKING YOU NOT TALK.” Last week saw the 79th anniversary of Pearl Harbor, a.k.a. the day the Japanese favored the world with a strikingly vivid real-life illustration of the phrase “biting off more than you can ...
