The Week’s Most Taxed, Waxed, and Vaxxed Headlines THE CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE (GOD HELP US) This year’s 20th-anniversary 9/11 commemoration wasn’t exactly the patriotic pridefest it was supposed to be. Coupled with Covid, inflation, skyrocketing violent crime, and massed invaders at the ...
The Week’s Most Scornful, Thornful, and Mournful Headlines FAREWELL TO AN OLD CHUCK O’ COAL Leave it to Norm Macdonald to unite even the most bitter ideological foes with his unexpected passing. But that’s how good Norm was. His death elicited tributes from left-wing names in entertainment, ...
The Week’s Most Kinetic, Phyletic, and Peripatetic Headlines L.A.’S DIVERSITY POTHOLE FILLERS Only in Los Angeles would it come as a shock to journalists that a guy named “Jihad Muhammad” met a violent end. It’s hard to think of a more “violent end” name than that. Maybe “Ikeelyou ...
The Week’s Most Strobic, Microbic, and Xenophobic Headlines RUSSIA DAMS THE BLACK SEA “In Russia, sushi eats you!” If a foreigner who knows nothing about the United States’ ethnic and racial makeup were to offer a guess based on the current crop of TV and online commercials, they’d ...
The Week’s Most Mauling, Enthralling, and Governor-Recalling Headlines OUR CAREER’S IN JEOPARDY, BABY! “It’s a thing that leftists swear doesn’t exist, and if you disagree with them, they’ll mercilessly use it against you.” “What is cancel culture?” “Correct.” For some ...
The Week’s Most Canny, Branny, and Talibany Headlines DJINN LIZZY Guess who just got back today? Them wild-eyed boys that’d been away Haven’t changed, had much to say But man, I still think them cats are crazy You know that chick that used to dance a lot Every night she’d be on the ...
The Week’s Most Neurotic, Quixotic, and Antipsychotic Headlines GOO’BYE GOOMBAH Watching Andrew Cuomo go down (and not in the way he enjoys) is kinda like watching the fall of Al Capone (an observation made by Twitter commenter Mike Carroll). In a perfect world, Capone would’ve been ...
The Week’s Most Mithraic, Archaic, and Pharisaic Headlines STONE, COLD KILLER There’s no house party like a Como house party. Como is a historically black neighborhood in Fort Worth, Texas. The word “como” in Spanish means “what?” And the neighborhood got its name when the first black ...
The Week’s Most Salian, Antithalian, and Bacchanalian Headlines THE TOKYO CANCELYMPICS Please welcome the comedy team of Abbott and Kosato: Kosato: “These are not Orympics. These are CANCERYMPICS.” Abbott: “Olympics for people with cancer?” Kosato: “NO! Not ‘cancerympics.’ ...
The Week’s Most Higgling, Niggling, and Wiggling Headlines PLEASE ROCK HAMMER DON’T HURT ’EM I must admit, I didn’t think much of Andy Dufresne the first time I laid eyes on him. Looked like a stiff breeze would blow him over. That was my first impression of the man. Andy kept pretty much ...
