The Week’s Most Basking, Multitasking, and Unnecessarily Masking Headlines THE GU-GU MOLLS Welcome to the 2022 Winter Olympics, where athletes from around the world are mistreated by a bunch of inscrutable automatons bent on world conquest through slave labor and superior math skills. According ...
The Week’s Most Fidgeting, Widgeting, and Midgeting Headlines TERRORS OF TINY TOWN Dwarf actors are kings of the self-own. You hire them, and they always find some way to screw it up. Suicide by gun (Hervé Villechaize, David Rappaport) or alcohol (Verne Troyer, Hank Nasiff), running their fool ...
The Week’s Most Galling, Appalling, and Stonewalling Headlines JEWDUNIT It’s easy to imagine Anne Frank sitting beside Emmett Till in the great beyond, yelling down at the living, “Can’t you morons please let us rest in peace?” Ah, but what’s the point of murdered teenagers if you ...
The Week’s Most Hibernal, Nocturnal, and Sempiternal Headlines WAKE-OB’S LADDER In the wokeness ecosystem, one corrupt race-hustler springs forth from another, which sprung forth from another, which itself sprung forth from another. It’s like the fly-egg-larva-pupa-fly cycle on dog poop, but ...
The Week’s Most Flaying, Braying, and MLK-ing Headlines NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH JEW-CONTRITION New Mexico consistently scores worst-of-the-worst in terms of poverty and educational rankings by state. And many of the “Land of Enchantment’s” Jews want out. So where are they heading? L.A.? ...
The Week’s Most Shaking, Baking, and Resolution-Breaking Headlines MINER 1619ER Did you know that black women are God? That’s an actual talking point these days, and like a Lyme-carrying tick, you’re best off avoiding it. The Black Woman Is God is a traveling exhibit currently housed at the ...
The Week’s Most Defining, Refining, and Auld Lang Syne-ing Headlines BONNIE AND CLOD In 2019, while promoting her “black Bonnie and Clyde” movie Queen & Slim, Greek-Jewish-Jamaican filmmaker Melina Matsoukas (a.k.a. Zorba the Kvetching Rastafarian) asked a question for the ages: “Why ...
The Week’s Most Drifting, Uplifting, and Regifting Headlines ONE FIN, TWO FIN, REDFIN, F.U.-FIN Seattle-based real estate brokerage website Redfin boasts a team of Pacific Northwest “progressives” working ’round the clock to make the real estate business less racist! Last week, Redfin ...
The Week’s Most Chiding, Abiding, and Yuletiding Headlines THE BAD PARENT-HOOD Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow...with murderousness! Last week in Garden Grove, Calif., a youth basketball game was disrupted when one of the player’s mamas, Latira Shonty-Hunt (of the Orange County ...
The Week’s Most Shaking, Baking, and Merrymaking Headlines “I’M DREAMING OF AN ANTIWHITE CHRISTMAS!” BLM has declared war on Christmas. After all, who’s more of a white supremacist than Santa? White elves outnumber black ones in his workshop (except in the basketball shoes department, ...
