The Week’s Most Rancorous, Cankerous, and Cantankerous Headlines THE EMPEROR JONESTOWN If Corn Pop was a bad dude, wait till you meet Soda Pop. Get ready for carbonated bruthas. Black social media “influencer” Rashad Jamal considers himself “god,” and like all affirmative-action ...
The Week’s Most Crooning, Spooning, and Harvest Mooning Headlines QUEEN BEE (GONE) R.I.P. Queen Elizabeth, who passed away at age 96 after ramming her car into a house at full speed while high on cocaine and fentanyl. CORRECTION: That was Anne Heche. We apologize for the error. The Queen ...
The Week’s Most Staid, Unmade, and Labor Day’d Headlines ECCE HOMA You let one black cannibal killer go free, and folks never let you live it down. In 2021, Oklahoma governor Kevin Stitt commuted the sentence of cannibal-murderer Lawrence Anderson (a.k.a. Panhandibal Lecter), who repaid the ...
The Week’s Most Nixing, Transfixing, and Netflixing Headlines THE CASE OF THE NAPPY NAPKIN NAPPING For black women in Houston who need help with unmanageable hair, Erin Mims is the go-to girl for the ghet-to gal. As owner of Alluring Locz Kingdom & Fades And Meaux Barber Studio (motto: ...
The Week’s Most Slicken, Wiccan, and Drought-Stricken Headlines SALMAN FILLET Ayatollah Khomeini wore many turbans. Brutal dictator and architect of Iran’s Islamic revolution, merciless hard-line religious cleric, and six-time Southwestern Asia chili cook-off farting champion. But arguably his ...
The Week’s Most Guessing, Confessing, and Stop-the-Pressing Headlines THE CHUNG POISONER’S HANDBOOK Say Yu, say me Say it for always That bitch poisoned my tea! Tiger mom, meet lye-ger wife. She’s a whiz with caustic chemicals in the kitchen, but she doesn’t use ’em for cleaning. Poor ...
The Week’s Most Blighted, Delighted, and United Headlines “NOW I AM BECOME METH” It’s easy to laugh at vapid Hollywood celebrities. Sometimes we laugh so hard we forget the many amazing scientific advancements gifted to the world by Tinseltown’s finest. John Landis proved that when an ...
The Week’s Most Spanking, Banking, and Pranking Headlines CHINAMAN WOKS THE PRANK Me Chinese, Me make joke, Me make fools of African folk. As China ruthlessly colonizes Africa, usurping and exploiting the Dark Continent’s resources for the benefit of the yellow nation, Chinese pranksters are ...
The Week’s Most Craving, Slaving, and Heat-Waving Headlines GIVING BLACKS THE BIG BIRD Over the years, Sesame Street has pandered to the “diversity and inclusion” crowd with numerous episodes aimed at black kids. Same message, again and again: Your color makes you special. Last year the ...
The Week’s Most Newtonian, Draconian, and Babylonian Headlines YOU WIN SOME, YOU NEWSOM California’s name is attached to many things. The California roll, the California Zephyr, the California king mattress (big enough to accommodate twenty illegal aliens), the California grizzly (once ...
