The Week’s Most Narrowing, Harrowing, and Cupid’s Arrowing Headlines UP, UP, AND HUAWEI IN MY BEAUTIFUL BALLOON The Chinese just can’t help stealing intellectual property. And as always, their pilfered remakes are of inferior quality. Like the Chinese version of The Red Balloon, which ...
The Week’s Rootinist, Tootinist, and Shootinist Headlines THE JOY GLOCK CLUB Tiger mom? Meet Luger gramps. Old Asian men are so over the stereotype of the wise elderly Oriental. “Wax on/wax off” has become safety on/safety off, as America sees a gleatest genelation of Mister Miyagis embrace ...
The Week’s Most Swarming, Norming, and Storming Headlines THE FINAL SOIL-UTION It’s a popular meme: A wolf, spying a bunch of hunter-gatherers, muses, “Maybe I’ll befriend those humans; what’s the worst that could happen?” Cut to an image of a toy poodle dressed up like a pansy by its ...
The Week’s Most Creamy, Steamy, and I-Have-a-Dreamy Headlines SHRIMP ON THE KLAUS BARBIE In this week’s edition of “you can’t win fer losin’,” Australian whites tried to do the right thing for their people of color, only to discover that the right thing is the wrong thing. And the ...
The Week’s Most Evolving, Absolving, and New Year’s Resolving Headlines KAREN-EYES CODY “Iron-Eyes Cody,” one of the most successful Native American actors in American history, is perhaps best known as the “crying Indian” in the Keep America Beautiful PSAs of the 1970s. Turned out ...
The Week’s Most Cheering, Jeering, and Happy New Yearing Headlines SLAP UNHAPPY Poor Will Smith, doomed to a career bookended by plaintively wailing, “How come they don’t want me, man?” Smith’s reportedly in deep distress over the failure of his latest “Oscar bait” film, ...
The Week’s Most Snowing, Glowing, and Ho-Ho-Ho-ing Headlines THE TRAGICALLY HIPPO Christmas carols in Africa have their own unique flavor: I want a hippopotamus for Christmas, Only a hippopotamus will do! Mom’s got Ebola, and Marburg took my dad, But a hippo in my stocking, that would surely ...
The Week’s Most Tingling, Mingling, and Kris Kringling Headlines DODDER KNOWS BEST Wearing his finest Christmas sweater, Joe Biden sits in his comfy recliner by a roaring fireplace. The family dog brings him his pipe and slippers. Aides rush in because Biden has a burning slipper in his mouth ...
The Week’s Most Hopping, Bopping, and Christmas-Shopping Headlines REFRIED BEAN There’s a reason Mexicans do the drywall and not the electrics. The Miss Sahuayo Pageant in Michoacán is one of Mexico’s largest and most beloved beauty contests. Every year, hundreds of young chicas whore ...
The Week’s Most Grandstanding, Rebranding, and Winter Wonderlanding Headlines DEAF COMEDY JAM Blackface, meet blackhand. Last month, the sign-language interpreter for Broadway’s The Lion King was fired for being white. The black performers who comprise the musical’s cast felt it was ...
