“Seasoned blonde SWF seeks sophisticated SWM Democrat. Must love dogs, topiary, major (and minor) holidays. Turn offs: processed food, dust, dirt, disarray OF ANY KIND!!! No davenport potatoes need apply. I’m a woman of many talents, from paint stripping to pole dancing. You won’t ...
George Carlin wasn"t funny. His "jokes" about the Catholic Church were juvenile truisms. On other topics, his "brilliant" observations barely approach cheap birthday-card standards. Carlin's ingenuity had nothing to do with words and everything to do with image. His career ...
Dear Justin Trudeau, (Assuming that IS your legitimate surname. Since you’ve evidently inherited your mother’s looks AND brains, your real father might not be Canada’s 15th Prime Minister but rather one of your mom’s multiple boyfriends"Ted Kennedy or, God help us, ...
Reality has made quoting Malcolm Muggeridge impossible. That’s OK by me, because between his willfully ignorant campaign against Life of Brian and his equally problematic crush on Mother Teresa, I never liked him anyway. But give credit where it’s due: Muggeridge originated the ...
Jane Fonda uttered the words, “I will go to my grave” last week and I thought: “Finally!” Fonda recently talked to Oprah about that “one unforgiveable mistake” she made when she visited North Vietnam in 1972: allowing herself to be photographed while perched ...
I have a confession to make to all my straight male friends: I thought you were gay. Call it a hazard of big-city living: I’ve automatically assumed every guy I’ve met over the course of the last twenty years was homosexual, then I worked my way backwards as evidence of his ...
Had history veered off course ever so slightly, we"d mock evangelical Christians for playing George Carlin albums backwards and listening for demonic messages in the resulting garble. Parents would sue Saturday Night Live over their teenaged son's suicide. Jack Chick comics would warn young ...
President Obama pointedly requested Yityish Aynaw's presence at this week's banquet in his honor in Jerusalem. Will his eagerness to meet the first Ethiopian-born Miss Israel retire all those nasty "Is Barack secretly gay?” rumors? Good God, I hope not. I never want Chicago blogger ...
Gay activists insist that “faggot” comes from the word for the kindling beneath the feet of heretical homosexuals. That’s a lie. But while the word “faggot” doesn’t come from “a bundle of sticks,” the word “fascist” does. Funny, ...
I picked the wrong year to quit drinking. If you"ve never been to an old-school AA meeting, imagine Vince Lombardi's locker room if he"d been coaching Pilgrims with Tourette's: a spartan, Quaker-meeting setup, all bootstrapping, no bullshit. A newcomer dumb enough to whine about their ...
