WASHINGTON"I would like to apologize in advance for not apologizing when people demand an apology. Of course, when I don"t apologize, many people believe that my refusal to apologize means that I haven"t properly realized the depths of my evil, because the refusal itself is prima facie ...
NEW YORK"Stop fiddling with your phone. This is my theme today. I want you to consider some cause-and-effect scenarios. Maybe the reason you got jostled from behind three times today on Eighth Avenue is that you were stopping, starting again, standing still, then jerking around in the middle ...
PALM BEACH, Fla."Hunter S. Thompson used to mail me giant photos of objects being blown to smithereens with dynamite or flung from some kind of skeet contraption so they could be exploded midair, and in most cases he was both the photographer and the destroyer. He would scrawl the precise date ...
CHATTANOOGA, Tenn."I"m loving all these Ancestry.com commercials where dim-witted actors say, "I thought I was a Tahitian Eskimo Mexican until I sent in my DNA test kit, and boy was I flummoxed when the results came back! I"m really Croatian with a mix of sub-Saharan! I guess ...
OMAHA, Neb."Several years back, two Hell's Angels showed up in Dallas to give me an award. It was a gold-plated ball-peen hammer mounted on wood, which was a reference to the most notorious scene in the pseudo-documentary Hell's Angels Forever. At the time I was the only critic who"d ever ...
TO: Shane Kimbrough, Commander, International Space Station FROM: Zeb Scoville, Flight Director, Johnson Space Center, Houston Subject: Upcoming briefing for Andrei Borisenko, Sergey Ryzhikov, Thomas Pesquet, Peggy Whitson, Oleg Novitskiy cc: Robert M. Lightfoot, Acting Administrator, ...
KANSAS CITY, Mo."Last week, when I outed myself as an Angry White Man, I got some of that dreaded "nativist" fan mail. (Is it my imagination or has the word "nativist" been used more times in the past two months than in all previous recorded history?) Let me make this clear: ...
JUPITER, Fla."The plastic remote on my Sunbeam Electric Heated Fleece Blanket went haywire last night and made me oversleep, so I spent the day in my spaghetti-strap T-shirt and my favorite pair of wind pants from the Adidas outlet store out on Interstate 95 binge-watching the Death Wish series ...
NEW YORK"I"ve had battles with fact-checkers my whole life. I blame The New Yorker magazine"that's where it all started. Harold Ross, the founder of The New Yorker, was such a perfectionist he hired editors who worked on the phone book, because someone told him that was the most ...
NEW YORK"I don"t wanna say Donald Trump has contempt for established rules, but he's planning his third term. This is a boon for the media, though, because at least once a day the Trump press corps gets to say, You won"t believe what this guy did now. The usual progression goes as ...
