George Santos

Source: Public Domain

As we ring in 2024, here’s Part II of my annual “bits that didn’t merit a full column but I still want to get them off my chest” year-end rant.

Santos and Sinners
A prediction: George Santos will become the J6 of 2024. Rightists will once again allow themselves to be maneuvered into not just defending the indefensible, but making the indefensible an essential element of MAGA membership.

As I argued to no avail in 2021, the only proper response to the cop-beating thugs of J6 was “Let ’em go to prison, and let’s move on.” Instead, the importance of J6 has increased to rightists each year since.

Because at heart all political partisans—left or right—seek to “save the oppressed.”

But whereas lefties have plenty of “oppressed” to save—black murderers, illegal beans, Gazan terrorists—before Trump, white conservatives were hobbled by a lack of dindus to defend. J6 gave them a thousand Daquans to (politically) die for.

In theory rightists should be championing hard-working blue-collar whites who don’t run afoul of the law. But how do you defend those who don’t get in trouble? It’s why leftists ignore blacks who don’t commit crimes. Every savior needs a sinner. A misunderstood sinner. Someone to rescue. It’s not by chance that women are often attracted to reprobates.

J6 rehabilitation is MAGA at its most feminine. “Oh that poor thuggish cop-beater; I’ll save him!”

George Santos will be the right’s next cause célèbre. He’ll keep bitching about how the “Deep State” (“the man”) unfairly took him down, and you’ll buy it. Instead of doing the smart thing and saying, “This clown should be lost to history,” you’ll make him an even bigger deal in 2024 than he was the past two years.

Santos’ rehabilitation is already happening, and it’ll explode in 2024. Because MAGA has its own version of “big tent”: Anyone in politics or entertainment “taken down” (ruined, canceled, prosecuted) must be victims of the Deep State, because if the Deep State is all-powerful, and if it protects its own, then by logical extension the “ruined” must’ve been foes of the Deep State or else they wouldn’t have been taken down. Thus, all the ruined are welcomed by MAGA.

That goes for Kevin Spacey, a die-hard groomer leftist until he saw MAGA’s weakness for the fallen. Now he’s Tucker’s bestie.

Jonathan Majors’ smartest move at this point would be to call Shapiro/Boreing for work. I’m not going so far as to predict that’ll happen, but it wouldn’t surprise me.

Dubba Standard
That said, I can hear some of you parroting the official pro-Santos talking point: “Lots of folks in Congress are corrupt! Why’d they pick on Santos? He must be dangerous to ‘them’!”

Let me try to explain in a manner you might understand.

Bill Whitemann embezzles from his company. He carries out the crime with painstaking intricacy, siphoning money in small amounts, with plausible deniability to cover his tracks and ready excuses to build a legal defense should he be caught.

DeKwantico Jackshun storms a bank. He shoots the security guard, pistol-whips the teller, then shoots her in the head because she won’t stop crying. He reaches for the first tray of money he sees, all small bills (he hadn’t bothered to find out where the big bills are). He also forgot a sack, so he dashes out of the bank with $380 in fives and tens under his arm. But his “getaway car” won’t start, and he’s quickly apprehended.

Two thieves. One did it well, one did it poorly. DeKwantico’s botched robbery will make the news. If Bill Whitemann’s crime is exposed, likely no one will care, because it wasn’t sensational.

Yes, Virginia, it does matter how you do something (cue Jimmie Lunceford). And when you do something poorly, you will be held to a harsher standard and you will deserve it for your incompetence.

Santos was so bad at his grift that he became a liability, and he got what he deserved. Sure, they’re all corrupt. And exactly for that reason, the ones so inept at it that they attract undue attention must be expelled. Santos was a millstone, not a martyr.

Incompe-tent-dwellers
Palestinians are the George Santos of Arabs. Last month when a Jacobin writer asked why the Palestinians can’t try to get their “liberation” via nonviolent means, she was swarmed by hostile commenters screeching that “violence is the only path for the oppressed!”

To revisit a point I’ve made in the past, when Umbawungas in Apartheid-era South Africa would attempt terrorism against whites, they’d be violently crushed. So the Bungas actually learned nuance—which is like a cat learning Scrabble (you’d think it impossible but damned if you’re not impressed by the sight), and they took down Apartheid “peacefully.” It would’ve seemed unthinkable in 1950, but by 1990 it was a reality.

To be clear, Apartheid was not abolished bloodlessly; the ANC would literally burn its own children alive to keep them from collaborating with whites. But that’s the point; the violence was used strategically, Bunga-on-Bunga (which nobody on earth cares about), until power was won. Then they started killing whites. SA blacks pretended to be Gandhi for the win. Then they became Gein.

As I’ve said before, when Africans prove more capable than you, you are a failure. Blacks realized that killing white children in 1984 would’ve killed their cause, so they played the victim, taking the blows and crying “have you ever seen such cruelty,” until Apartheid SA fell. Palis, who are no more “oppressed” than were Apartheid-era Bungas, just can’t stop killing.

Again, it’s the way that you do things.

Palestinians are best represented by Ali Hassan Abu-Kamal, the 69-year-old Palestinian “teacher” who, in 1997, committed a mass shooting at the Empire State Building observation deck to protest Israel. He murdered a random Danish tourist who was just enjoying the sights during his trip to America.

Mindless, self-defeating violence.

Palis have hundreds of Western rock stars, academics, and actors on their side. Black South Africans knew how to use those resources. Palis are clueless; they know only “kill! kill!”

Like Santos, they’re getting exactly what their incompetence merits.

Groom for Improvement
MAGA superstars “Poso” and “Cerno” are on the front lines of guarding against grooming.

Because to them, everyone’s a groomer.

Except actual groomers.

In July, Paul “Pee-wee Herman” Reubens passed away. Reubens was a well-liked guy in this town, but also, he was a guy who’d been brought up on kiddie porn possession charges in the early 2000s. His private stash of “erotica” was targeted by investigators as an extension of the investigation into convicted pedo actor Jeffrey Jones (the principal from Ferris Bueller…and now you know why Ferris was so reluctant to go to school).

Reubens ended up pleading guilty to misdemeanor obscenity charges. His defense was that he liked naked pics of teen boys, but only 18+.

Poso the Clown accuses everyone he dislikes of being a “groomer.” But after Reubens died, he tweeted “Paul Reubens never hurt anyone but Hollywood destroyed him over a personal failing while they were doing far worse Pay attention to who the media protects and who they destroy RIP Legend.”

Cerno the Clownier also accuses everyone he dislikes of being a groomer, but after GOP perv Madison Cawthorn lost his seat following the release of videos in which he dragged his genitals across young men’s faces, Cerno tweeted “Straight men in hypermasculine environments do shit that looks gay. It’s common. Madison Cawthorn is a bro. That’s the only scandal here,” adding that Cawthorn was “driven out of Congress – for whistle blowing” the Deep State.

Well, Cawthorn blew something, but t’weren’t no whistle.

And now Tucker pals around with Spacey, with Ian Miles Cheong declaring that Spacey can’t be a groomer because he has no courtroom convictions.

But Reubens, who does, also isn’t a groomer.

Doesn’t the arbitrariness disturb you? These “groomer hunters” say everyone’s a groomer…except the guy with the obscenity conviction or the guy who teabagged young men or the actor with dozens of man/boy groping accusations.

Again, it’s the arbitrariness that troubles me. In 2024, as these MAGA influencers try to drive the primaries, never forget that they’re just making stuff up as they go along. Anyone can be a groomer or not. Just like god-king Trump, who can call someone a MAGA hero on Tuesday and a Deep State villain on Wednesday. It’s the capriciousness of those who know that their followers never ask questions (“qwestchins,” sure, like the Ron Unz variety, but not actual questions).

A Cole Christmas Carol
I wanna tell you about my Christmas Eve.

It was midnight and I was in my nightcap and dressing gown, when echoing through my house came a wailing, a groaning, a sound like a Yale man who’d eaten bad clams at his yacht club.

A ghostly figure materialized in my bedroom…

It was William F. Buckley.

“Mr. Buckley,” said I, “why do you visit me this eve?”

Holding a pen to his cheek, the figure replied, “I’ve sojourned to this tellurian plane to examine the state of young conservatism in the present day.”

“But why ask me?” I inquired.

“Ann Coulter recommended you.”

Perplexed, I pursued the question. “But if you visited Ann, why appear before me? She can assist you most ably.”

“Because,” the specter replied, “Ann has a life; she’s busy with friends and family tonight. But she knew you’d be free.”

“Damn,” I thought to myself, “I just got dunked by ghost Buckley.”

Momentarily distracted, Buckley blurted, “Are you literally eating gruel?”

“Yep,” I replied. “Kroger-brand gruel. $1.99 per serving. I have it delivered in bulk and then claim it was expired to get a refund from the automated return system.”

“I find you most vexing, sir,” Buckley continued. “Let us proceed to the matter at hand. What’s the prevailing contemporaneous state of youthful conservatism?”

“This is an iPhone,” I explained. “It came out right before you died. It’s like a Dick Tracy watch but people masturbate to it.” Pulling up Gab, I scrolled the profiles of top young rightists. Buckley studied the screen, beholding Zoomer brilliance: “BIRBS GROYP DOGE MAGA KEK CUCK STONKS WOODEN DOORS WHERE MY FRENS?”

Wrinkling his brow, Buckley stated, “While I’m thunderstruck by these colloquialisms, I assume such tidings are uttered in the service of core conservative principles.”

To which I replied, “Nope. Just to rehabilitate Hitler.”

Then I paused for effect…

“And here’s Tucker Carlson calling you one of the greatest villains of the 20th century.”

One final pause, this time for cruelty…

“Revilo Oliver won, douchebag.”

And with that Buckley reached for my Glock and put it to his head, but I reminded him that he’s already dead. And he vaporized into the ether with an agonized moan, this time definitely not from clams.

I woke up on Christmas Day neither reformed nor joyous from my apparitional experience. Just very pessimistic about 2024.

Happy New Year.