All this whining and complaining (all the more hilarious when done through the human microphone system)—combined with the organizing and funding by those grassroots communists in our midst—creates entertaining fodder for the right-wing media. 

Here’s the problem: No one’s talking about the Tea Party anymore. 

While others have suggested that the Occupy movement was born of jealousy of the Tea Party (How dare these conservatives take to the streets in righteous indignation! That’s our job! These are our streets!) the Occupiers’ nonsensical lunatic rantings currently dominate the media landscape.

Perhaps the terrorists have won.

But isn’t this what always happens? A legitimate grievance takes hold (taxpayer abuse), they petition and protest the problem’s source (Government Gone Wild), organize (Tea Party movement), shift the conversation, and achieve successful results (the 2010 elections). Then the other side, fearing for their loss of power and free candy bags, starts literally banging the drums loudly, obnoxiously, and nonsensically. It’s like the two-year-old upset that he’s left out of the adult conversation at the restaurant table, so he grabs whatever blunt object he can find and starts banging away at whatever’s in front of him. Obnoxious? Yes. Effective? Well, yes. 

The Occupiers have a distinct advantage over the Tea Party—one of their own occupies the White House. He’s been banging the drum against the supposed “haves” in favor of his zombie street army since he was old enough to talk. 

So like most everything else in our current culture, a set of genuinely good ideas has been usurped by the dumb-downed mobs so they can continue sucking blood like parasites. While dumb they may be, they’ve successfully shifted the conversation from something responsible—and, well, adult—and turned it into a spoiled child’s obnoxious wailings. 

We’re already broke and getting broker by the second, and while the adults want to turn the tide and return to some semblance of responsibility and sanity, the other side kicks and screams for more free stuff like spoiled brats. And everyone, right and left, can’t help but look at the spectacle. 

And that is why I support spanking.