April 19, 2016
Bono
Source: Bigstock
Right, Bono: two Jews and a black guy. Guaranteed to win the hearts and minds of the planet’s biggest black-hating anti-Semites!
Except…I actually watched Bono’s “testimony” after reading about it. And despite his repeated insistence to the contrary, I got the feeling he was, well, joking. The way he fairly spits out his “send in the clowns” flourish at the end”especially his hurried, smirking “thank you””reminded me of every bratty boy I”d ever seen squirming at the front of the classroom like a bug pinned to a board, who clearly hadn”t read the book he was “reporting” on and just wanted to be anywhere else but there, as soon as possible.
So… Dear Bono: You have everyone’s permission to stop doing this crap. We”ve been telling you to let it go for decades.
Alas, I don”t think he”ll ever get that message, either. As for going away, the bad news is that Bono may actually be”if not really a Eurocratic human/poop hybrid or a Central Park Illuminati“nevertheless an immortal of sorts. He’s recently survived not only a catastrophic bicycle accident but also a near miss in his Learjet.
All of which, naturally, inspired more”but of course”satire:
He’s too short for snipers, he’s too pious for a drug overdose, and he should have been crushed under the weight of his own ego years ago but somehow it only makes him stronger.
“Fate apologizes,” the Daily Mash “reported,” “for letting Bono live.”
