This obviously is why the zombies who run Hollywood are producing so many zombie movies. Everyone has turned into gadget zombies. They are also self-aggrandizing zombies, relentlessly pushing buttons to tell people they’ve never met—nor are likely to ever meet—their intimate thoughts about Brad Pitt. I suppose this is done to satisfy the Me Generation’s gigantic ego. I find nothing more depressing than seeing people absorbed by a gadget while totally ignoring their surroundings. But I guess this is what the modern world is going to be from now on, which makes me so happy to be old.

These modern bums will never feel memory’s distilling process and nostalgia’s beauty. The awkward, painful torsions of adolescence, the palimpsest of the past. The yearning to recapture a woman’s scent from long ago, the realization that desire is at times more satisfying than getting. The ache of first love, the butterflies in the stomach, the dry mouth. The shyness. All these the iPad generation will never experience, never feel. No, all these things disappear behind the tiny screen of Mr. Jobs, now strategizing ways to have the angels better communicate in heaven. I am lucky to have lived a normal life, like billions of other people, and to have never used one of these contraptions except for an old mobile when I’m on board my boat. And even that makes me feel slightly soiled. Tweet away, morons.