Tinsley Mortimer

For all of you who have been wondering how long that other model, Carla Bruni, will stay with her husband now that he’s no longer president of France, we were wondering the same thing. Even though they just had a child, why would she stay? Her grand ascent was short-lived, despite all the cute pillbox hats and Dior dresses she wore to state functions. Surely she will punish Sarkozy for the humiliation and take up with someone who doesn”€™t wear lifts. Or maybe not. Sarko wasn”€™t exactly poor before becoming a politician, but he is likely to make a lot more now that he’s no longer in office. Will the lure of powerful people and more money steady her gaze? Maybe it will so long as she is still carrying around all that baby fat on her face. If all else fails, she can take comfort by stuffing a few more éclairs down her once beautiful and currently disfigured features.

And speaking of fat faces and things shaped like éclairs, poor John Travolta is likely being extorted by some lunatic masseur who claims John grabbed his wang and tried to rub one out in front of him. Travolta says this is a complete fabrication and that he wasn”€™t even in town when the alleged incident occurred. If this isn”€™t a lesson in the perils of fame, my God, actors really do deserve the big bucks. I can”€™t think of anything worse than losing my anonymity and being at the mercy of hysterical fans, stalkers, paparazzi, freeloaders, pushers, and producers. We know it’s nonsense, John, so don”€™t worry. We still love you even though you are a Scientologist.

Maybe the only thing worse than dealing with stalkers, pushers, and paparazzi is the physical attention that comes with fame. Who knew Jack Nicholson had a 17-year-old daughter with a former waitress he met when she was 20? Now the daughter, Tessa Gourin, is smoking pot and getting busted. Nicholson has anywhere between four and six children, mostly with different women, but it is hard to know exactly how many since he has only acknowledged four publicly. In addition to Tessa, he could have a 40-year-old son called Caleb but nobody knows for sure. Since Nicholson grew up thinking his mother was his sister, we won”€™t hold him entirely responsible for being confused about turning out children.

Following the famous is mildly amusing and simultaneously demented, I imagine, just like the life. Unless you are a poseur who craves attention why would one want to be famous? All things considered, even the money and the glamour seem like meager compensation. I hope Tinsley will shed some light on this in her next book”€”don”€™t you?