Rob Ford

I want my pols to be conniving, boisterous, sloppy, and upfront about their sociopathic desire to control society. The men and women who put their name at the ballot box aren’t acting out of the goodness of their hearts. They want the undeserved dignity of political office. If lawmakers are going to pick my pocket and hand the money to welfare barnacles, I would rather the criminality be embraced. If that means smoking a joint while giving a speech in front of an elementary school, so be it. Better the children get an honest view of government rather than the propaganda that unionized teachers shove in their ears day after day.

And it’s not like drugs in the political sphere are any kind of new phenomenon.

Barack Obama admitted in his memoir he was fond of snorting coke in college. Bill Clinton disclosed that he once hit the bong but never actually inhaled, as if such a statement was in any way believable. George W. Bush was arrested for pounding a few cold ones before getting behind the wheel. Jack Kennedy was doped up on all types of prescription medication. These men all had access to the nuclear football and were considered heads of the free world. Yet they were not immune from a sweet tooth for the hard stuff at one point in their life.

And who could forget the lovable Marion Barry? After the Mayor of the District of Criminals was caught smoking crack on camera in 1990, he served six months in jail before winning a spot on the City Council and eventually his old office back. DC residents either have short-term memories or are so self-loathing of their lavish lifestyles, they want to keep a freebasing civil-rights leader high on a pedestal of liberal guilt. At least the rest of the country got a laugh out of the progressive insanity within the nation’s capital.

The world would simply be better off with more openly drugged-up politicians. I don’t want the heads of the state to appear as squeaky-clean genteel men of good taste and adept intellect. They should look on the outside as they are on the inside: morally rotten. Most of the time, the alleged night watchmen of society are high off of their own narcissism and self-worth anyway. Might as well have them doing a few lines in between writing laws that put cash in the pockets of their buddies while leaving the rest of us high and dry. That way, there is no question of the ethical tomfoolery afoot. The pigsty remains a pigsty.

I would also be a much saner man if public officials stuck to getting sloshed and popping pills instead of killing brown children, locking up people for nonviolent crimes, and running unsustainable Ponzi schemes called entitlements. Rob Ford has the right idea. Given that his approval rating has increased in the wake of his crack apology, maybe more people are beginning to think this way.