In the The New Book of Jobs it is written that Obama’s new jobs bill will put teachers back to work. Pass the bill. Obama’s new jobs bill will put firefighters back to work. Pass the bill. Obama’s new jobs bill will put more cops on the street. Pass the bill. Obama’s new jobs bill will put more construction workers back to work, just like that earlier “not so shovel-ready” stimulus. Pass the bill and all praises to the honorable Barack Obama.

All the things that Obama had done previously to create jobs (snicker) were just an appetizer to The New Book of Jobs. A $1.4T morsel wasn’t quite enough. The additional $447B kicker? Well, now, that will definitely get unemployment down to reasonable levels. Under 8%. I know that the White House recently said that unemployment will be over 9% for the foreseeable future, but that was then and this is now. We now have The New Book of Jobs, silly!

A passage from The Obama Bible—The Book of Pelosi, chapter 1, verses 1-3:

In the event that no jobs are created, fear not. For Obama giveth unemployment benefits. And Obama saw that unemployment benefits were good, and provided more sustenance to the land than they cost.

From The Obama Bible—The Book of Reid, chapter 3, verses 4-7:

Obama knew that all jobs were not good. Obama warned, “Beware the private-sector job, for they are non-union. It is necessary that a small few holdeth dominion over the many. Peace be unto the unions. Woe is he who speaketh ill of the unions.”

But even with The New Book of Jobs, there was no guarantee that the people would accept the new commandments. They might continue to worship graven images such as the Tea Party.

In The Obama Bible—The Book of Clinton Revelation, chapter 13, verses 4-6, we are warned:

Obama watched as the revelers mocked his new commandments with all sorts of debauchery, like support of the free-market system and their continued belief in capitalism. Obama was grievously angered. Thou shalt not worship another “ism” over socialism.

Obama threw down the gauntlet during his American jobs press conference, saying:

“So I want you to pick up the phone, send an email, use one of those airplane skywriters, dust off the fax machine—or you could just, like, write a letter. So long as you get the message to Congress: Send me the American Jobs Act so I can sign it into law.”

Obama the Deliverer even took time out to help save the post office, which is $10B in debt. Surely we can trust him with another $447B.