Steve Cohen

All of Cohen’s investors are now busy redeeming their—should we call them ill-gotten gains?—but even there Stevie-baby is ahead. They get paid in installments over the coming months, even years, which raises a legal point in itself. Madoff’s beneficiaries—the very few but very rich close friends of his—were forced to return most of it. The clawback took place because the feds had them cold.

This is not the case with Cohen. He has very smart lawyers, which the government doesn’t, who are willing and ready to go the long route. Aggressive district attorneys with political ambitions fear long trials and uncertain results. Forcing Cohen to settle gets their names in the papers and their political futures bright. So Cohen keeps seven billion, so what? So plenty, says Taki.

Legal experts claim that Cohen is a dead duck if he goes to trial. Nuremberg-like defenses of taking orders from above do work in such cases. The six employees who have pleaded guilty would most likely testify against Stevie-baby for lighter sentences—nothing personal—providing powerful evidence for Uncle Sam.

This is what I find maddening. Why are the feds so pusillanimous? For the reasons mentioned above, I suppose. Because Cohen owns 100 percent of his firm and hates to spend money, he is now busy selling some of his extremely expensive and extremely ugly junk art, waving the moolah in front of the feds: Come and get it, little boys, two billion big ones, it’s now or never.… Uncle Sam has turned cowardly. He destabilized the Middle East by invading Iraq but is too timid to make Cohen pay for his alleged crimes. It’s a good lesson for future insider traders. Cheat, cash in, then settle.

Or better yet, do it the way Stevie did it. My banker friends told me how his employees would offer cash incentives to other company men for inside info, but they would never, never use his (Stevie’s) name. This has kept him clean and able to bargain. Many people say he’s guilty as hell, but seven billion still goes a long way for the respectability Stevie craves. The “art” collection also helps.