Anthony Weiner

Mayor Michael “I”€™ll Crush Your Freedom” Bloomberg turns his nose up at Smith’s follies, but the whole thing is rooted in Smith switching his registration from Democrat to Republican because it’s easier to win as mayor in a crowded Democratic field. Bloomberg’s changed parties so many times I”€™m not even sure what he is now”€”Independent? It’s hard for a billionaire who made his money trading stock tips to complain about powerbrokers running politics. Especially when he changed the term limits from two to three (don”€™t get any ideas, Obama) under the auspices of helping us with the Wall Street crisis. This “help” has left the next mayor with a projected budget hole of “at least $3.1 billion.” There is an entire website devoted to listing Bloomberg’s lies.

One of the biggest proponents of Bloomberg’s third-term shenanigans was City Council Speaker Christine Quinn. Coincidentally, many see this feisty lesbian as the mayoral frontrunner in 2013. Like Bloomberg, Quinn seems to feel justified in abusing her power. When a recent TV ad attacked her by claiming “NYC is Not For Sale,” she threatened to sue Time Warner Cable for airing it. If she’s elected into office, TWC’s existence in NY will depend on her approval. This is the same woman who told Chick-fil-A, not “in my city.” Other potential candidates include Alec Baldwin, Tony Danza, Kelsey Grammer, and of course The Rent is Too Damn High guy (who may not pay any rent).

They”€™re in good company. Before Bloomberg, we had Giuliani, who cleaned up the city by arresting everyone, including people who dance. He also assigned a police escort to his mistress and then made his driver the police commissioner.

Giuliani beat out Dinkins, who’s been accused of letting the Crown Heights Riots roll on for days so his brothers could let off steam. Dinkins was elected on the heels of rampant corruption charges against Ed Koch.

The affable fag Koch was probably our best mayor, but things were still so bad during his tenure that when Bernhard Goetz shot some black kids for trying to rob him, a “Bernie Goetz for Mayor” campaign started. (Goetz ran years later after he got out of jail for his vigilantism.)

Finally, The New York Times announced on Tuesday that the King of Dick Pics is considering running.

But amidst all this putrid filth, a philanderer who Tweets his erections to strangers looks like a saint. The New York Times piece about Anthony Weiner this week was fawning to the point of being obsequious. Their chronology of events made Weiner look noble, while they called Breitbart “not entirely reputable.” However, they rightly point out his only other huge blunder was acting like a complete fucking lunatic on the House floor when discussing 9/11 compensation. Those are the only two major screw-ups. The Times didn”€™t have to spin his career into a fluffy PR piece. All they had to do was hold Weiner up next to all the other mayors and the history of New York politics in general. In that sense, Wiener’s a winner. And, as is the case with most of politics, we”€™re the real losers.