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I remember during an earlier periodic outbreak of violence in Gaza being accosted by a man of distinctly Mohammedan tint outside a local supermarket and being asked if I knew that some of the profits from their products supposedly went toward helping Israel fund the mass military killing of Palestinians. I said that no I didn’t, thanked him for his information, and went straight inside to blow as much as I possibly could on Jaffa Cakes, to ensure the largest number of civilian casualties possible.

I didn’t, of course. I don’t even especially like Jaffa Cakes. I just resented foreign conflicts being exported abroad to my own native British homeland needlessly: Did people stand outside Palestinian souks warning local Semtex purchasers they may have been inadvertently funding the IRA?

From that day forth I threw my lot in permanently with the Jews. You never see groups of them gathered outside ASDA, dressed in kippahs and curls, bothering shoppers about religious geopolitics. Primarily because if they did, they’d immediately be stabbed to death by the local branch of Al-Muhajiroun.

Carry On Up the Khaybar
These days, you can’t even visit a U.K. branch of McDonald’s safe from the fallout of the current war in Palestine. A spate of recent incidents in Britain’s second city of Birmingham (59.7 percent white and falling) saw Muslims releasing boxes of disease-spreading white mice painted in the colors of the Palestinian flag inside eateries in apparent payback for the company donating free Happy Meals to the Israeli military of late. I’d love to see some Zionists releasing a bucket of micropigs into a mosque in revenge.

This reminded me of a 1995 comedy-documentary by journalist Jon Ronson about hilariously inept London Islamists, the kind who might think it a good idea to practice a suicide bombing. One nut Jon-Ron spoke to detailed a cunning plot to release a swarm of mice into the U.N. General Assembly Building. As “women hate mice,” all the female diplomats would immediately jump onto chairs and start squealing like the maid on Tom and Jerry, thereby revealing their true place was in the home, not politics, something that would have “crushed the whole U.N. process,” ushering in a global caliphate instead.

At the time, this all seemed very amusing, but it later turned out some of those Ronson investigated went on to become actual leading Islamist terror ideologues, like Omar Bakri Muhammad. As Ronson’s editor had joked of Omar at the time, “Maybe it’ll be the Islamic fundamentalist version of following around Hitler the watercolorist.” Turned out it actually was.

Back in 1995, when I was still a schoolboy and the nearest I’d come to setting eyes on a real live Muslim was watching repeats of Sinbad the Sailor, the prospect of a shariah Britain seemed about as likely as a kosher Saudi Arabia. Then in 1997 Tony Blair was summoned from Hell, unilaterally threw open the borders to all comers in the name of “diversity” (of the rough sort they enjoy in Lebanon), and helped turn delusional watercolorists like Omar Bakri Muhammad into potential Islamist Führers of Britain’s newly created demographic future.

When it comes to Omar, I am reminded of the late TV funnyman Bob Monkhouse’s old line: “They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. They’re not laughing now.” As with comedians, so with caliphs.

Marxists & Spencer
Amazingly, it turns out that, when you import the whole world inside your nation’s “borders” [sic], you import their problems with them, too. After Hamas’ 7 October pogrom, post-1997 alien settler-colonialists (because that’s what they are—some were recently recorded in Germany proudly admitting it) and their self-hating white Race-Marxist allies began throwing their weight around across Britain in increasingly intimidatory fashion.

An advert for their “Thismas” (not “Christmas” anymore, that would be offensive) range put online by the suspiciously Jewish-founded supermarket retailer Marks & Spencer was quickly pulled after a photo of three Christmas party hats roasting on an open log fire were deemed to be the same colors as the now-sacred Palestinian flag (which actually has four colors, but never mind).

Protesters openly waved black, ISIS-like Islamic flags and chanted for jihad on public streets, only to be excused by Jesuitical equivocators who said such acts did not really endorse terrorism at all. A London Holocaust library was daubed with pro-Gaza graffiti, whilst Israel’s Ambassador said some Jews now felt safer on the streets of Israel than Britain, even though Israel was now at war.

Worst of all were events at London’s Liverpool Street Station, where a crowd of over 500 zealots waving Palestinian flags and chanting Hamas-friendly slogans occupied the area during rush hour, leaving local Jews even more afraid to get on any outbound trains than they once had been in rural Poland, c. 1942. As one London Underground driver was also recorded proudly leading commuters in chants of “Free Palestine” aboard his vehicle, perhaps they were best off skipping their next journey.

Islam for Dhimmis
The Liverpool Street blockade had been organized not by Hamas, but by their natural and logical religious allies, the radical intersectional feminist group Sisters Uncut, whose very name bleeds purest irony—foreign females forced to have their black and brown clitorises chopped off with heated scissors by male Muslim elders certainly aren’t very “Uncut,” after all.

For the pseudo-feminists, it seems the “white supremacist patriarchy” was really to blame for the whole crisis in the Middle East, as they were the ones truly “murdering Palestinians” by virtue of their governments providing moral and military support to Israel—or “Isr*el,” as the Sisters could only bear to spell the obscene entity’s name, the bunch of total c*nts.

Apparently, Hamas’ original 7 October pogrom was perfectly fine, it was only Isr*el’s response that was problematic, as “The violence of the oppressed must never be equated with that of the oppressor.” That’s code for letting one side do whatever they like, whilst the other is never allowed to actually defend itself in response—or dhimmitude, in a specifically Islamist context.

Eyeless in Gaza
Laughably, several of the allied “intersectional” groups blockading Liverpool Street Station were called Queers for Palestine, the Dyke Project, and London Trans Pride. Some held Palestinian flags alongside banners saying “Trans liberation, trans revolution now.” So committed toward women’s rights are Sisters Uncut that they even now admit “gender-variant people” (re: men) to their ranks. Perhaps in a future shariah Britain, liberated trans women will feel “free to express their true selves” by being forced to only ever leave the house wearing burkas?

The only positive outcome of any dystopian future in which Islam really does come to dominate the world like all those posters say it will, will be the hilarious sight of Marxist morons like these being lined up against a wall and shot by bands of grateful Muslims oh-so-appreciative for all their aid in the long struggle for liberation from the yoke of white colonialist oppression. Don’t these people know what the Ayatollahs in Tehran did to their former temporary allies on the Iranian secular Left after they’d helped overthrow the Shah together back in ’79? They should do, as many of the most traumatized ones subsequently claimed asylum in Europe.

Meanwhile, on the very same day Liverpool Street Station was oppressively occupied by anti-Zionist nonentities, U.S. Secretary of State Antony Blinken testified before the Senate Appropriations Committee about the reported fate of one Jewish family joyously reeducated by the feminist freedom fighters of Hamas: Besides gouging out the eyes of the husband and chopping off the fingers of the 6-year-old son, they also sliced off the breasts of the mother and sawed off the foot of the 8-year-old daughter.

Those Sisters certainly weren’t very Uncut either, were they? Still, given their newly revealed profound respect for trans rights, no doubt the progressively intersectional terrorists responsible were merely treating the delighted m*ther to a free trans joy-enabling “top-surgery” operation?

Some enterprising local jihadist should have released a boxful of white mice in Liverpool Street Station to scare all the silly mad bitches off. With a bit of luck, some of them might accidentally have jumped under the next train.

Lunatics in Charge of the Asylum System
Who are these people our blind quisling leaders have willingly mass-imported into the nation and allowed our equally worthless universities to help radicalize further by the madrassa-load? One of them is Muhammed Qassam Sawalha, reputedly a chief terror fundraiser for Hamas who fled to Britain in the 1990s, at least according to certain outrageous media reports in the Judenpresse—his lawyers deny all allegations of impropriety.

Allegedly, Sawalha was given a council house in Barnet, which he later purchased outright with the aid of a lavish £112,300 discount from the local council. Interestingly, Barnet is the local authority in all of England that contains the most Jews—who, it now turns out, may well have been inadvertently helping fund their people’s own future slaughter through their Council Tax. Shouldn’t they ask London mayor Sadiq Khan for immediate reparations?

Believe it or not, there are some worthwhile, well-integrated, historic, and recent immigrants living in the Horribly Disunited Kingdom today—e.g., the Jews, funnily enough—but, clearly, there are also several rather less worthwhile, utterly unassimilable groups of immigrants living here too. What should we do about them?

Exporting Terror Abroad
If the current British State has any say in the matter, we can do nothing. In the same week as all the above protests, an angry Scotsman dared post footage of dozens of Palestinian flags flying on his local Londonistan road whilst asking why we had let such clearly malign persons in only to see them very predictably begin acting like they do absolutely everywhere else they turn up and try to take over. Equally predictably, he then ended up being arrested by officers from Britain’s newly formed Ministry for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice (formerly the Metropolitan Police).

One Scotland Yard police official has recently been outed as apparently calling for support for Israel’s conduct to be reclassified as an Islamophobic “hate crime,” by the way. Maybe it already is anyway?

A Conservative MP, meanwhile, Colonel Bob Stewart, was found guilty of a “racially aggravated public order offense” for telling a (non-extremist, non-terror-linked) Bahraini dissident to go back where he came from. But isn’t that just what the pro-Palestine street mobs had spent the previous few weeks telling the Europe-exiled Middle Eastern Jews of Isr*el to do, in rather more forceful terms? Tell you what, maybe Europe can have all our old exiled Israeli Jews back, and we’ll give the newly vacated deserts of Israel all our homegrown Islamists and white Marxist Islamist sympathizers in return?

Then maybe, at long last, “From her rivers to her sea, Europe shall be free.”

Oy vey, if only! Keep on buying those Jaffa Cakes.*

* For stupid legal reasons, I should point out here that Jaffa Cakes don’t really fund the Israeli military, this is just a joke. McVitie’s actually bankroll Hezbollah. **

** Again, for equally stupid legal reasons, I should point out that this is also just a joke. Hezbollah are actually funded by your local mosque. ***

*** Once more, for stupid legal reasons…oh, you get the idea.

Steven Tucker’s new book Hitler’s & Stalin’s Misuse of Science: When Science Fiction Was Turned Into Science Fact by the Nazis and the Soviets is out now in hardback (Pen & Sword/Frontline Books). Buy it here (U.S.), here (U.K.), or here (direct from publisher).