Heidi Klum and Seal

Soul Sista Still Single
Wiser souls have prevailed in Hollywood however, and Aretha Franklin recently called off her engagement to the wild, wacky, wonderful, and wistfully willful Willie Wilkerson. The official statement says, “Will and I have decided we were moving a little too fast, and there were a number of things that had not been thought through thoroughly. There will be no wedding at this time,” Aretha said. “We will not comment on it any further because of the very personal and sensitive nature of it. We appreciate all of the many well wishes from friends.” She ain’t the queen of soul for nothin’!

Boulevard of Broke Crackheads
Sources say Franklin’s successor of sorts, Whitney Houston, is ruined. The former crackhead has blown more than just a few lines and is now being bankrolled by her label Arista Records against future sales of her forthcoming-but-as-yet-unrecorded album. Her people deny those allegations and say she just starred in a new movie called Sparkle. If the rumors are true, it’s no surprise a former drug-using pop star who was married to Bobby “Tenderoni” Brown, himself a former Olympic-quality crackhead and current full-time has-been, are cash-strapped. These two were the R&B version of Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen before they split back in 2007. That seems bad enough—until you realize it was a notch higher than where they are now.

Aubry Still Tawdry
Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry will be back in court again this week. This time he is being accused of physically pushing his daughter’s nanny while the nanny held three-year-old Nahla. Halle has a slammin’ body but keeps getting slammed by her boys. She almost committed suicide when she divorced her first husband David Justice. Then she married and split from second husband Eric Benet amid rumors he cheated and was a sex addict. She is currently with Kylie Minogue’s ex, French actor Olivier Martinez. But still she suffers the slings and arrows of her baby’s daddy, Aubry, who has allegedly been gripped by anger issues in the past. God bless them all. What they lack in brains they make up for with good looks. If they start losing their looks, well, Game Over.

Federline Freaks and Britney Peaks
Good things do happen in Hollywood, or so it seems. Page Six announced yesterday that Britney Spears may be regaining control of her finances from her father’s conservatorship in time for her forthcoming wedding to Jason Trawick. Only yesterday, Britney’s ex-soulmate Kevin Federline suffered a minor cardiac arrest while filming his weight-loss show Excess Baggage. This is his third recent hospitalization. Perhaps he’s in a panic now that Britney is moving on with her life…oh, yeah, and her cash.

Jay-Z Gets a “C”
Rapper Jay-Z, AKA Mr. Beyoncé, has had his 40/40 Club in New York shut down for what The New York Post reported to be a “slew” of health-code violations. Who knew he even had a club? According to the Post, “A worker was also seen mixing salsa with his bare hands.” Remind us never to eat salsa again.