Jill, Hunter, and Joe Biden

Source: Wikimedia Commons

Readers often ask, “Dave, why you always pickin’ on the right?” Nick Land, a rather well-known bloke, commented back in January: “Cole’s basic, consistent thesis is that the Left is just way better at politics than the Right. It’s not that he’s wrong, but if he’s right, can incessantly scolding the Right for being a bunch of dysfunctional losers actually be that helpful?”

Well, the thing is, I’m not trying to be “helpful.”

I’m chronicling.

I am, after all, a villainous historian. And that’s what historians (villainous or virtuous) do. I suspect that in a future America, long after I’m gone, white kids in public schools taking classes in “Trans-Liberation Science: how removing healthy breasts frees women (who don’t exist) from womanhood (an oppressive social construct)” and “White Apologetics (no, not the religious kind, the literal one: white people apologizing)” will ask, “How’d things get this bad?”

From the 1990s to the early 2010s, America went from seeing even the bluest states ban gay marriage (as California voters did twice in 2000 and 2008) to finding itself under the heel of a cult that redefines not just gender but humanity itself (human children, alone among all life-forms on earth, can only live in their “normal” state via the surgical removal of healthy organs and the medicinal blocking of puberty). Likewise, in the 1990s every Democrat was law-and-order, with even the worst of them, like Hitlery Killton (or is it Killary Hitlerton?) and Joe Biden, talking about black “superpredators,” and then all of a sudden everything changed and even our MAGA president and some of our “reddest” governors released black criminals because imprisoning them is racist.

And these futuristic young people are gonna wonder, “The literal fuck? How’d that happen?”

Well, I’m here for those fictional future children (the only kind of children I can stomach).

While other writers labeled, accurately or otherwise, as “far right” prefer to obsess over hidden-hand perpetrators (“the reason things went to hell is because Baron Illuminous von Rothschild IV teamed with the Deep State and hypmotized everybody”), I’m more interested in chronicling how the opposition blew it.

And by studying the right’s response to the Titan submersible disaster, we get a good case study of just that.

The Titan story, which at its core is “self-promoting maverick does risky shit that ends poorly,” reminds me of the Jessica Dubroff debacle. She was the 7-year-old girl who, in April 1996, sparked a media circus by attempting to pilot a plane across the U.S. to prove girl power or child power or whatever point her self-promoting adult handlers were trying to make, and even though everyone kinda knew she’d crash, people supported her and she got tons of attention because, you know, girl power child power etc., and then she crashed on April 11, killing everyone on board.

And because there was no social media, Dubroff’s death was not exploited as Dubroff’s life had been. Because guess what? On April 11, 1996—the very day of the crash—Israel launched Operation Grapes of Wrath in Lebanon. If Twitter had existed back then, morons would’ve screamed, “There are no coincidences!” while claiming that Dubroff’s crash—which was the lead network news story that night—was an engineered distraction from a story of international importance!

See, back when nutcase conspiracy idiots were confined to hard-copy newsletters, an incident like Dubroff’s could come, be understood for what it was (“it was a dumb idea to have a child that young fly a plane and parents shouldn’t push their kids into doing risky things for cheap headlines”), and go.

Did you know that the Edmund Fitzgerald sank on the same day the U.N. passed the “Zionism equals racism” resolution? How suspicious that in a world populated by billions of people, more than one thing happened on the same day. And cui bono? Gordon Lightfoot, the Larry Silverstein of the Edmund Fitzgerald. So he must’ve sabotaged the ship himself!

This crap is laughable and should’ve remained so, but now we have Steve Bannon, who podcasts with a giant placard behind him blaring “There are no coincidences.” And we have “rightist Twitter,” a pathetic group of amateur (and remarkably inept) sleuths for whom “There are no coincidences” is their one and only crime detection tool.

Back in 2017 I wrote about how “There are no coincidences” is a friend of the state, not a weapon against it, but because I didn’t steal money from you like Bannon did (which his cohorts have admitted in open court, but you don’t seem to care), the piece faded into obscurity.

Next time I wanna make a point about coincidences, I’ll rob your grandma. Because apparently that’s how today’s rightists gauge trustworthiness.

Rightist: “Hey, Steve, we donated millions of dollars to your Build the Wall campaign, and immediately afterward you bought a new luxury superyacht.”

Bannon: “Well, that’s just a coincidence. Holy shit, I actually found one!”

The wreckage of the Titan sub was discovered on the same day that IRS whistleblowers gave damning testimony about Hunter Biden.

And “no coincidences” rightist Twitter went nuts:

The WSJ is reporting the US Navy detected the Titan implosion on Sunday but Biden held the news until today’s whistleblower testimony on Hunter. The entire thing was a distraction op. —Jack Posobiec

The Biden administration knew the Titan submarine imploded Sunday. But waited until today to make it public. Convenient smokescreen for today’s House Ways & Means release of IRS whistleblower testimony of DOJ sabotage of the Hunter Biden investigation. —Miranda “Malibu and Beverly Hills are the same place” Devine (NY Post)

For all we know, Hunter may have needed that extra time to threaten their families that they’d be left to die if the big guy didn’t get a check immediately. —Sean Davis (The Federalist)

The Biden regime knew the submarine imploded Sunday – but used their media propagandists to push the “they’re running out of oxygen” story all week to deflect from Hunter’s crimes? God save us from these scumbags and lowlifes. Sickening. —“Catturd”

If the Navy knew the sub exploded within hours of the vessel losing contact, & they told the Coast Guard what they heard, why did they wait until Thursday to say anything? Hint: That’s when the IRS revealed that Biden’s “independent DOJ” was interfering in the Hunter Biden probe. —Libby Emmons (The Post Millennial)

Wait. If the submarine exploded on Sunday and the Navy knew about it the whole time that means the entire “US Military picked up a banging noise on the sea floor!” news cycle was a lazy psy-op to keep the story going. They lied. This was all a distraction. God help us. Evil. —Benny Johnson (TPUSA)

So basically the 5 people on board died days ago, but Biden allowed for the story to dominate all news cycles as a way to distract from the news about Hunter Biden this week. They knew days ago that the sub exploded but kept it going as a tool of distraction to cover for Biden’s crack head son. —Laura “Ashkenazi IQ exception to the rule” Loomer

There are a thousand tweets like this from rightist influencers. The claim is, the Navy heard a “boom” on Sunday, suggesting an implosion. But Biden, or should I say DIEden, intervened to bury the news so that a futile search could be conducted in order to distract from the IRS whistleblower testimony.

Okay, let’s break that down.

Number one, the Sunday “boom” was inconclusive. Search-and-rescue personnel have said it could’ve just as easily been the sub hitting the Titanic wreckage or the ocean floor. There’s no way the search would’ve, or should’ve, been called off because of the boom. Searchers needed to conclusively determine the sub’s fate. The Navy was right to not speculate until that happened.

I mean, what are these rightist tards suggesting? That Biden should’ve forcibly ended the search before the crew’s fate was known?

Something tells me he would’ve been mercilessly attacked had he done so.

There are a million legitimate reasons to dislike Biden. Why do you have to invent one?

Number two, most folks were only interested in the sub because of the mystery. It’s like that Malaysian plane; the story only had legs because it’s a cliff-hanger. Once the Titan mystery ended, the interest ended. And the mystery ended the day of the whistleblower testimony, meaning that Biden (or should I say GENOCIDE-en) killed public interest in the Titan story the day of the whistleblower testimony.

Wait, what? He made people uninterested in the story in order to use it as a distraction? You know that makes no sense, right?

And also, where do you guys get the idea that one news story actively prevents people from following others? Do you really think the sub story had Americans so transfixed that they lost the ability to focus on anything else?

“Honey, what’s for dinner?”

“SHUT UP! I’m watching the SUB STORY!”

“Babe, the house is on fire.”

“GO AWAY! The SUB! I can’t take my eyes off the SUB!”

Only the family members of the sub victims had that level of concern. For everyone else, it was a matter of peripheral interest. People absolutely can pay attention to two things in the same day.

The rightist retreat into conspiratorial paranoia is end-stage cancer. Nobody goes to a Filipino faith healer unless the standard medical treatments have failed. As I’ve stated time and again, rightist “sleuthing” is surrender. Unable to win elections or leverage power, rightists have resorted to “We can’t beat Cthulhu, but we can identify him!”

For those of you thinking, “But Dave, the left is loony too,” let’s go back to the Titan. Yes, rightists and leftists exploited the tragedy. The leftist talking point was “Everyone’s worried about five billionaires at the bottom of the sea, but nobody cares about the five hundred migrants-of-color who drowned that same week in a ‘refugee’ boat in the Mediterranean.”

Now, can you spot the difference between the right and left talking points?

The rightist take was masturbatory. True believers massaging other true believers. Alex Jonesians writing for people already in the cult. No new ground gained, just ideologues affirming each other.

But the leftist take—“Oh, the drowned baby-wabies! The poor soggy-woggies! We must save these sweethearts!”—was geared toward appealing to that stubbornly idiotic and sentimental demographic—suburban white women—thus helping to build electoral support for open borders.

Yes, “both sides” exploit tragedies, but only one side does it as a strategy to win new adherents. The other side just whacks off, because when you’ve lost all hope of scoring with real women, what else is there to do?

And that’s why I highlight these things. I can’t stop the idiocy, but I can document it.

It might not be “helpful” now, but it might be for future teens trying to understand why their world’s as screwed up as it is.