Katt Williams

You know: that African-Americans and Latinos don’t like each other, because blacks see Mexicans as a threat to their sacred status as the Shih Tzus of the liberal temple—and maybe even a threat to their lives.

The story ran its usual course: Self-appointed “community leaders” and “activists”—in this case, presente.org—unveiled the obligatory “online petition” demanding an apology from Williams.

That’s when things got confusing. An apology was issued and promptly accepted by one Rev. Jarrett Maupin, who’d been “organizing a boycott” against Williams but now wants him to return to Phoenix and “show his commitment to the Latino community.” This is all pretty damn funny, since Maupin is black. (He’s also an Al Sharpton protégé, complete with legal troubles.)

But a few days later, Williams was on CNN claiming his publicist had issued an apology without his permission.

“I’m not allowed to [apologize],” he explained to anchor T. J. Holmes. “As a stand-up, the only thing I sell is uncensored thought. I’m not allowed, then, to come back the next day and apologize….If a person starts their heckling with ‘F*** America,’ then that gives me the right to defend my country.”

Whether such comedic mea culpas help anyone career-wise is a crap shoot. Michael Richards apologized and never recovered. Gilbert Gottfried did, too, and he lost his Aflac gig anyway—but is still popular, thanks to his willingness to, well, joke about what happened. When Canadian comic Guy Earle’s fellow liberal stand-ups abandoned him, he apologized—and still got fined $15,000. After making sure fans knew his true feelings, Adam Carolla tweeted a non-apology apology to the anti-bullying bullies at GLAAD. Ultimately, GLAAD’s threats to Carolla’s livelihood came to nothing. (As if the SPEED channel is terrified of losing their massive gay viewership.)

“I’ve told the fans before: if you ever hear me apologize, you know I don’t mean it.”

That was “Opie” of radio’s Opie & Anthony Show talking about the Carolla vs. GLAAD “controversy” and other recent—to coin a phrase—“wit hunts.” Topmost on everyone’s mind at the time was Tracy Morgan. Another flaky African-American comedian, Morgan was obliged to go on a pro-homosexual “awareness raising” apology tour after “joking” that if one of his children ever talked to him “in a gay voice,” he’d kill him.

Opie and Anthony railed against this booming new “business” of apologizing—let’s call it “Big Sorry”—and were joined by comic Jim Norton, who compared Morgan’s humiliating repentance road show to a slave auction in “the f***ing 1700 slavery days, where they held that poor bastard captive.”

I expect this crap up here in Canada, where a government tribunal swore in an “expert witness” to analyze the “tone” of Mark Steyn’s jokes and industry watchdogs finally deemed the word “faggot”—or, as they insisted on referring to it, “the other F-word”—as employed in a 26-year-old Dire Straits song acceptable for broadcast.

But America? Forget Carlin and Bruce: Those long-dead fat guys with Brylcreemed combovers and cheap tuxedos were more transgressive than their purported 21st-century descendants.

Soon you’ll be down to a 0th Amendment. Then we’ll all be sorry.