Last week, late in the day with darkness closing in, I was coming around a Figure 8 trail when I thought I saw a bear. I’m not the bravest of men, but nor am I a coward. I simply could not turn around and beat a hasty retreat, and the bear is, after all, the Bernese Oberland’s symbol. So I toughed it out and glided toward the “bear.” I saw it move and I stopped. I was breathless, but I tried to show no fear and to breathe calmly. The bear turned out to be an enormously fat woman of Saudi appearance wrapped in the biggest fur coat I’ve ever seen. Smiling despite my fears, I asked her if she were lost and if I could help in any way. She waved me away as one dismisses a pest in a nightclub. So I went on my merry way wondering about the bear and what she was doing. It remains a mystery.

Speaking of such “bears,” the Gulf states, which are essentially regal welfare states, are next in line. Their ruling elite assume that oil and gas profits belong to them to dispose of as they see fit—private jets, palaces, yachts, and football clubs, but the winds of change are here to stay. The Qatari Al Thani ruling family is said to be eyeing Manchester United. If the deal happens, Abu Dhabi versus Qatar will be a northern derby soon.

There is an unholy alliance between Sheikh Mansour, who owns Manchester City FC, and a lowlife named Robert Tchenguiz, a principal player in the Central Bank of Iceland’s collapse. The Tchenguiz brothers, Robbie and Vinny as they style themselves, are certainly lowlifes, two Iraqi Jewish boys who used their houses and boats in St. Tropez to lure Iceland’s banking executives to grant them enormous loans. They are poster boys for everything that’s wrong with capitalism, and Manchester City FC cannot afford to be involved. Let some hungry rookie hack look into this. I am busy avoiding bears in Lauenen.